Jesus lets me wear my blue converse's

you wanna know something?

i skipped old testament today, and dang it. it was on purpose

its not because my ot class is boring
im actually learning alot in it
i truly love the class, so far
which is quite the statement if you had any idea about what my feelings about taking the class were before the semester started

i skipped it because i was tired

i spent about 6 hours last night praying/worshiping

if you are sitting there thinking wow, someone is suzy spiritual, looks like she earned some jesus points
please stop

thats not true

if anything id say it was only a start at making up for the worship time ive lacked the last couple of months
but jesus doesnt work on a points system of make ups/losses/profits so looks like im ok

last night was a culmination of the last few weeks of learning i guess
i went to seacoast for first wednesday which is a service the first wednesday of every month that is basically 90% praise/worship music and 10% message...kind of a do as you feel led to type thing
and goodness gracious, worship was just...phenomenal

i felt so still, so quieted
so....there.
i just was.
it felt like i didnt have to do anything.
i was literally getting an overwhelming amount of joy from doing nothing.
just thinking and singing about how awesome God was...how awesome He IS.

i could go on, but words dont do it justice. so i wont try.

i will just say that next time youre standing in a worship service setting and you "arent feelin it" just think about those words that youre singing...like how powerful they are, and the implications they have

for example

the ENEMY has been DEFEATED
DEATH COULDNT HOLD YOU DOWN

were gonna lift our voice in VICTORY
were gonna make our praises LOUD

dude. death couldnt hold you down
wow.
wow. wow. wow.
if that doesnt give you chills, you need a heart check
fo real.


read those words slowly (the lyrics, not the heart check thing :)
feel them in your soul
drench yourself in their power
clothe yourself in its Truth


whoa.
Gods so super.


ok so anyway,
after i left the church, i drove to school with the intent of studying accounting

now what im about to say you may be tempted to respond with well of course thats how it went kate, you were gonna be studying accounting...anything is better than that...but i will go ahead and tell you that for most people that would be true, but im actually really enjoying accounting...mostly because its pretty easy for me, which might be a first


so

went into the library, sat down, got out my books
then God told me He wasnt done
huh?
ok actually im not sure if God said that or not, but it felt like He wasnt...so i decided to go walk around
this walk led me to the reflection pond
where i sat and prayed for about 3 more hours

i wish there was another phrase than prayed...bc it was more like, an active conversation with the Lord
i told Him everything
He already knew it, but thats not the point
it wasnt about telling Him something He didnt know, it was about feeling like He wanted to hear it all anyway
i told Him some stuff He was teaching me (please read that sentence again, i just did, and i chuckled...bc its funny)
i told Him some funny things i saw yesterday
i talked to Him about ducks, and rocks
i told Him some dreams, some really BIG dreams
i listened
i was quiet
i cried
i smiled
i closed my eyes and breathed in fresh air, wet, cold, fresh, beautiful air
it was perfect.

and then i called sarah junco to tell her about it, and i woke her up, and felt bad, and then told her about it, and then cried, and then didnt feel as bad about it, but still kind of bad...but she loves me so shell be ok

see i live in this world of planning, and looking ahead, and next, and the future, and what will be, rather than what is


we are human BEings, not human DOings, or even human PLANFORTOMORROWings...
He calls us to His presence for DAILY bread, not sunday and wednesday bread, not whenever you can make time bread, not whenever you are in distress bread...

the Lord calls us to Him...DAILY DAILY DAILY


now im certainly not a chronic planner by any means, but as a 20 something who "SHOULD BE" on the way to a career choice, marriage, kids, and whatever else someone decides to add to the list it is kind of ingrained in my soul right now to constantly be thinking about whatever is next...

but thats sucky

and stupid

and im not sorry for saying either one of those

im not guaranteed tomorrow, but im not guaranteed 10 minutes from now either
and if i want to live a story that is worth reading than i probably need to be willing to give the Author a few extra pages

ha.
dang.
that was good.


so ive got some accounting and micro econ to do, but as soon as i submit this im gonna go have another date with God (yea i said it...and if youre rolling your eyes, you probably need to go have a few dates of your own pal) and my camera is coming along...and if i have to stay up all night to do the school stuff, then thats fine...bc the Lord will give me the strength i need for tomorrow, if i make it to then

im done giving my Sweet Savior the crumbs of this life that doesnt even belong to me in the first place
He deserves the best of the measly offering i have, and in these moments, the best is what i choose to give

grace and love friends....grace. and. love.

tacky trailers and nicholas sparks

whoa


its been a while huh?!


well first off if you saw my tweet from last night...know that today has seen great improvement
if you missed the tweet...it said: "i dont matter"...sometimes you just have moments where you need to know youre loved and people care about you, yes of course the Lord cares and i know that but He made us relational for a reason...He made us to need each other...and last night i was pretty lonely...but as usual God has answered pleas and cries today and has exceeded expectation in far different and im sure much better ways than i could have imagined




ok so heres my lightbulb/God winking at me/spiritual KABOOM moment of the day...which consists of 2 mini stories and then a comparison/contrasting entree


k?


cool.


so mini story 1:
i remember years ago my dad using a sermon illustration about when he was little being taken on a driving tour of houses decorated with christmas lights and seeing one that was just apparently magical...it had all the most beautiful lights and wonderful decorations you could imagine, quite breathtaking from his description...it was apparently far more fantastic and memorable then any other house he saw and for days and days afterward it was all he talked about


i guess in the interest of silencing his excitement/consistent goings on about this particular casa one of his family members made him get in the car one day and drove him back to the same house except that it was in the daylight...


to his young minds surprise and quite understandable dismay when he arrived, all he found was a trailer with a ton of tacky sights around it that was about as far from beautiful as you can get...im sure you have experienced this unpleasant and disappointing display at some point or another in your lifetime




 mini story 2:
i have started going to seacoast church in mt pleasant and am really enjoying it/stoked for what im learning there
i live in an apartment in north charleston though so getting there involves a 20 minute drive over 2 bridges...driving to any place enough times i feel like eventually gets old and redundant and you start to take what youre seeing on the way to your destination for granted...i hope so much that this isnt the case with the drive to mt p. 
why? 
oh glad you asked...
because for most of the drive if you look on either side of the bridges (but not for too long, ya know, since youre driving) you feel like you are driving straight into either a lowcountry postcard or a nicholas sparks movie...and lets face it, either ones a win


seriously its the most beautiful green marshland with the perfect amount of picturesque trees, docks, and boats, words dont do it justice...but if you ever see it/have seen it...you know what i mean


since ive been going to this church for about 6 weeks, ive driven by the view in light, dark, fog, sunshine, rain, lightning, wind, morning, night...you know what im sayin?
ive also seen the view from the bottom of the bridge and ive seen it from the top
ive seen it when the waterway is crowded and ive seen it when there isnt a soul to be had other than the turtles and the gators (not that turtles and gators do or do not have souls, lets not get sidetracked guys)
and ya know what?
that view is just plain gorgeous...


it doesnt matter what time of day, or what the traffic is, or how many people are in the water, or what the weather is...


its just beautiful.
always.


entree:
so what kate?!


heres what-
as i was driving home from the service tonight (yep they have a service on sunday nights...not an additional service...the same one they do on sunday mornings....so what up sleepin late on sundays and still hanging out with Jesus?!?!?! heyyyyyy)


anyway-it was basically monsooning the whole drive too and from the service but as i crossed back over the bridge and looked down the view caught my eye and left me breathless and then i started thinking about how amazing it was that something could be beautiful and lovely no matter the temporary circumstances around it...it blew my mind that there could be in existence on this earth something that is beautiful. always. no matter what. 


then story number 1 came to me and i started wondering what the difference was...why some things can be beautiful sometimes and other things are lovely all the time
heres the answer i came up with:
the christmas trailer wasnt beautiful.
i can say that having never seen it with full confidence.
it may have been surrounded with lovely things.
it may have possessed some beauty.
but the trailer when certain circumstances, when the light was exposed to it, showed what it truly was...just a trailer, with some tacky crap on it...






the view though...
now the view IS beautiful, it doesnt possess beauty, its made of beauty-the water, the animals, the tall grass, the wild flowers, and strong tall trees standing alone in the marsh...its ingredients are the definition of beautiful
its state of being is beauty. it cant be anything else because it doesnt know how.
and i know that its lovely without a doubt because ive seen it, tested it through time, with lots of temporary circumstances and outside influences about it changing, yet because its made of beautiful things...lovely is what it remains
now im sure that the view looks different now than it did 20 years ago, im sure that definitive circumstances and forces like hurricanes and erosion have changed the exact appearance of it...
and yet still
its breathtaking






you see, that trailer:
its just an ugly thing that somebody thought they could change with a few reindeer and a light up santa
but that wetland:
beauty is what defines that view, no matter what somebody or something does or does not do to it


i think i just realized that daily we wake up with a choice:
we can either be an ugly thing that pretends in certain situations to be lovely by possessing beauty and putting on things or roles or words or actions or likes or dislikes or fill in your blank 
if we continue to do that though the light will eventually come, day will strike and our faith and love and nature and very state of being will be exposed...and it probably wont live up to anybody's (including yourself's) hype...you might even disappoint a few folks who really thought you were what they saw


OR


we can choose to go to the Source of ourselves, the One who thought of us LONG before anyone else did, the CREATOR of all things good and lovely and pure, and beg Him to create us anew each morning, beg Him to expose our crap, expect His greatness to react, pursue Him WHOLEHEARTEDLY, and believe He is WHO HE SAYS HE IS
when we do that, i am confident that He begins, slowly but faithfully, perhaps painfully but lovingly, consistently and wholly taking us from a moment of having beauty to a lifetime of being it. 


and it is only then that we can approach with confidence the purpose to which He has called us.
to love and be loved in return.

a kate by any other name...

there is almost no question i should be asleep considering that i have to be at work in an unmentionable small amount of hours...yet here i sit...not seeming to care much






everyday before i go to work there are a few key items i grab on my way out the door to go along with my "official uniform"...only one of these do you actually need an idea about...but ill tell you all 3


my clicky pen, register/office key, and my nametag


and ill let you in on a little secret while im at it:
i dont have favorite customers...i try not to anyway...but it is alot easier to be nicer to someone if they take a little glimpse at my nametag and just subtly or even not so subtly slip the name into conversation (ie. can i have some bbq sauce kate?)


im not sure why exactly dan cathy would tell you our team wears name tags...but i have my own theories


there is something deep in our souls that value knowing who we are...that put worth upon having our names called




names dont have a ton of worth put on them, they get taken for granted...they get discarded because everyone has a name...there is at surface level nothing special about it




but quite the contrary


there is this unquenchable thirst in our beings to be seperated, to be called out, to be unique from every other person


know why?


because God made us that way


if Hed wanted there to be 2 kate mardis' He wouldve made 2 kate mardis'


this desire to be known, to be special, to be worth gets pursued by things like greed for more money, more power, more honor, more prestige...it often leads us to things that are so far from our Creator that they aren't recognizable any more


we feel like in order for our names to be special, for who we are to be unique, for what we have to offer to matter...that we must be better, or attempt to be better than those around us


thats so off though


if i go rip someones nametag off, it hasnt given the information on mine any more value...its just left one of my team members without a part of their uniform...and 99% of the time, it would make me look like a moron


but thats the world we live in...


go rip others tags off...go tear down your team members id's...and you will have more value


FALSE


our names do not have worth because of who we are, what we do, or how many of us exist...


our names have worth because of Who has called them


in other words...nothing we have control over


in the moments when someone chooses to be different and use my name...and i start being nicer to them...it has nothing to do with what i have done or who i have been...


it has everything to do with the choice that the guest made in taking time to look at me and call my name


it has everything to do with his intention and nothing to do with my actions


it has everything to do with His Intention and nothing to do with my actions




but there is more to this story right?


yep

this is the 2nd cfa i have worked at....and every store does the tag a little differently...

the chick fil a logo is always at the top

and right below that is your name...sometimes first, sometimes first and last

and then sometimes below that is something like where you are from, or how long youve worked there, or like the one i have currently, it says what your role is

the joke around our cfa is that you forget who you are if you dont have your nametag


and of course nobody believes that to be the case, nor has anyone (to my knowledge), forgotten their name as a result of a missing nametag


there are moments however, when i am having a particularly awful day, or when it seems like all i am doing is just serving chicken, or when i am at another place after work and have forgotten to take off my nametag and someone mentions how they feel about chick fil a because they see it on my tag....




and i look down, and there is comfort...there is a reminder...there is...a resolidification of who i am




not just who i am, but of whom/what i associate with...you know, who i work for, and what my role is...actually a reminder that i have a role at all is pretty excellent


but depending on where i go with cfa in the future, i may not have a tag that says my role...in fact, it may only say my name...and chick fil a






its easy to get caught up in a rush, or a bad day, or a few bad days, or heck, even a bad year...and forget that to the One to Whom it Matters...we still have a nametag


it may not always tell us what our role is, it may not tell much about us except that we have a name at all and the name of Who we're reppin




the important thing to grasp is that if we have a tag...we have a role...no matter what it looks like to those around us....




maybe you dont feel like your name has been called recently
maybe you feel like your name has been called to often
you might not feel like you have ever heard your name


much less that you have a role to go along with it




in these last few weeks, my name hasn't been called alot


there have been a few, or more, moments that i felt like i didnt have a nametag




im not completely through with this part of the journey...but im still walking


and im not alone


and if there is more than just me here...i must have a name




and if ive got a name


than ive got a nametag


and if ive got a nametag
then i know Who i'm workin for...and by golly


He isn't gonna be forgetting who i am anytime soon


let Him call you today


allow His grace to be the whisper that calms your heart in a place where the storms are raging


allow His pursuit of you to be the reason you can raise your head on a journey that seems to constantly be pulling you down


allow His faithfulness to be what draws your heart closest in a time when hurt has all but pushed you out


allow His words that you ARE adequate compel you to keep swimming in a race where the world has told you you'll lose


allow His freedom to be the voice that wins in a battle against the lies of your past


and more than anything...


allow His love to be the difference you hear in a world that has nothing for you




the battle you are fighting has already been Won














thanks God

Easy Mac and Raisin Bran...

God thumps me in the head a lot

what i mean by that is He chooses to get my attention (thumping) in extraordinary ways (in the head) often (a lot)

it is probably because i have never been one to pick up on things in "normal ways"

i guess since He made me, He might realize that

so last weekend it shouldn't have surprised me that my easily distracted mind was one of the venues He did this through, but as usual, it did

it doesn't shock many (any) people to find out i am about as ADHD as they come, even with a crazy high dose of medicine daily its still a struggle to get me to focus completely...keep in mind i deal with this with myself when im alone just as much if not more than when im with other people...because i know that i have to be more intentional and direct with certain things...even day to day tasks like washing the dishes...most of the time i just kind of have to almost distract the distraction by adding a little creativity or "fun" to something so that i become distracted by the game enough that i just end up doing the task...if that doesnt make sense, just bear with me or ask me about it later, ill try to explain it

so last week i went into the kitchen to wash out my bowl of easy mac at which point i decided to see if i could clean the mac bowl completely by only watching the dirty cereal bowl that was sitting underneath it in the sink....the thought was that once i saw consistently that the water in the cereal bowl was completely clear i would be sure that the mac and cheese bowl i was holding was clean too...and voila i also wouldve taken care of washing 2 bowls only 1 of which was mine

as i was playing my little game a thought occured:

coming into this summer has been unlike any other for me, spiritually i have felt less worthy of this challenge than i have any other year...i have doubted up until almost the day of training how effective i was going to be because of how messy/gross/dirty internally i am increasingly realizing i am inside 

i have cried out to God in worry and fear about what kind of leader i was going to be able to be if coming into it i was so empty myself

(heres the connection)

God never called me to be clean, He only called me to be under the faucet

i would not have been able to clean the cereal bowl very well if all i did was look at the mac and cheese, but alternatively i was able to clean the mac and cheese by focusing on channeling the water towards the cereal bowl

i dont have to worry about my dirt, i just have to make sure that the Source from which i'm getting my water is pure and then focusing on moving that water to the cereal bowls i want to be cleaned too

by doing so i become so "distracted by the distraction" of getting refreshed so that the cereal bowls can be cleaned and purified that i am forced to move out of my own way

and maybe in the end we'll have more clean dishes than what we started with

And the winner is...

i should probably start this off with a confession just so that it can help the 2 of you reading this to maybe understand a little more where i am coming from

i realize i'm probably the only person to do this ever but there have been a lot more occasions than i care to admit when i have used the phrase "because i feel like its what God wants," and to the best of my ability its probably been because of one or more of a few different reasons:
1. i knew that answer would get people off my back because what self proclaiming Christian would question that
2. i could not think of a better answer
3. i felt like at the time that since it was what i wanted and God loved me it was probably what He wanted to because i may not have had another "good" option

you may or may not have been following my journey the past few months in finding, contacting, trying out for, practicing, trying out for again, and then making the golf team at columbus state university

it was all very quick the way it happened and i admit i gave God very little option in the matter because at the time i was so consumed with wanting something to look forward to and find identity and security in that i felt like if God got involved He'd mess the whole thing up

this is very much a pride issue, an issue that im aware has existed for a while, and am just beginning to walk through God showing me how to make the choice of humility because of showing me how lethal my pride is

the pride of course only is a cover up
it is covering a wealth of insecurity about my worth as a human being
i think that internally, there was a large part of me that felt like a failure

i mean i look around and see my friends graduating, even the ones that i am older than, and i know that i still have a couple of years to go in that department
pretty much sense august i have felt like because i had no degree by my name, no job title of importance paying my bills, no organizations where i was moving into leadership, no ring on my finger, and not a lot of clear direction for the future that that must mean that i am not worth anything...or at least as much as people around me


and the way that i got into that "predicament?"
well it seemed like that was probably God's fault, because besides myself, who else was there to blame, and lets face it...blaming yourself involves changing yourself but when you blame someone else, the Creator included, you get to point fingers and take no responsibility because there is nothing you can do to change another being

so when the door opened for the 2nd time (the first being when i graduated high school in 2005) to attach the prestigious title of collegiate golfer to my name i jumped at the opportunity because after all why would God give me a chance to go do something that i had regretted not doing before if it wasnt clearly the best thing for me...so obviously since i had it all figured out and didnt need Him meddling in my life anymore...the default "this is what God wants" flag was flying high over fort kate

i was fooling everyone...even myself

the only thing i had to sacrifice was growth i could experience in the only real thing that has ever mattered...really mattered...to me....my faith


and it worked, everyone was so happy for me, i mean its a pretty great story if you think about it

because we all love stories where someone can overcome adversity and come back to follow a dream, especially if that dream is in the form of a second chance...i mean it could be a movie, and it would be a darn good one


people were impressed with me, and on the outside, that was making me thrive because i was feeding my pride tank and again, the only price? the only Consistent thing in my life

but inside, in my soul, i knew something was wrong...no not something...i knew exactly what it was


and i was aware that it was taking a toll on my heart, but my head kept saying it wasn't that big of a deal and that as soon as camp got here i would just go and get close to God again


but when CORE training got here, i forgot to put my heart in my pocket instead of on my sleeve, which seems to happen in an environment where a "safe to risk" strategy is neccessary and encouraged, but i thought i was such a good faker that 2 of the people i respect/look up to/admire most wouldnt see...but they did...and they love me...and so they called me out

i sat in the office with them for almost an hour and was stunned/hurt/lost while we talked about what was going on
i dont remember most of the exact subjects but i know that out of absolutely pure compassion, love, and concern they brought to my attention that pretty much, i was being everything i've hated in the leaders i've encountered over the years


that wasn't even the moment that the turn around was complete, that of course was just a baby step

fast forward to 5 days ago
i had had the heart knowledge that the decision to go play in the fall was wrong but it had been arguing with the head knowledge that it would be fine and it would all work out because i love golf and that was that for 4 months...and up until this moment, the head knowledge had won hands down

it was only after a conversation with a very dear friend last wednesday that i said out loud what my heart had known all along, and that was that i knew where God wanted me, and it wasn't columbus state university but i was scared because i didnt want to now let people down who had supported me along the way

i knew in that moment when i looked in sarah's eyes that the sickness that had been plaguing me for 4 months would only be cured by being true to what i knew God was leading me towards, and that was to leave camp in august and move back to charleston to finish school and work at cfa

when i told my parents and then managers the next day, i could not have asked for better responses
in fact i couldnt have planned a better last 3 days at cfa (with the exception of the guy having a seizure at lunch saturday and mom saving him and the ambulance coming but thats beside the point) and i am not only FOR REAL sure that this really is what God wants...because i think when youre in His will, you dont "think" or "feel like" you are...you know it...and i know it because of the peace i have about it, a peace that i know could only be from Him, im also VERY excited for the opportunities that it looks like will be opening up for me with cfa when i get back

i would be lying if i said i was not at all concerned anymore with what people will think of this choice, but i'm ok with that because i have realized that my worth is not in who i know but in the greatness and sovereignty of Who knows me...and thats fantastic, because He knows me a lot better than I do....thank God

It's not exactly Charles Stanley material...

a note from your tastebuds: finish strong

those are the words that hang on the point of purchase marketing material next to the double doors in chick fil a free standing unit 1570 otherwise known as my second home...

its supposed to be a poster that spurs you  to desire a slice of lemon pie, or a milkshake, or one of our other desserts

but its so much more....those last 2 words at least...for me

finish strong.

tony dungey is quoted as saying wherever you are today, be all there

those are the words ive been holding and chewing on the last couple of weeks

finish strong, and be all here...

but finishing strong sucks

and here is why

its hard to leave a place when youve finished crappy

its equally hard to leave a place when youve finished really well

when youre doing really great you dont wanna leave

so i kind of wish that as i leave this particular season i was finishing in some sort of neutral territory

but then that whole...what would Jesus do thing comes into play

when you leave some place on neutral ground, youve made nothing memorable, youve left no impact, no legacy...

and i would imagine that Jesus wouldnt be a fan of leaving something the same as when you got there...

sand didnt ever seem to be a real great thing in the Word...it always represented things that would fall, fail, and be blown away

so why then would we want the footprints we leave places to be those that are similar to footprints in the sand...why would our desire ever be that we leave footprints that are seen in the first few minutes after its left....

i would rather leave footprints in cement...

similar to those of the dog that ran through the garage when the house im living in was built...i have no idea what kind of dog it was, no clue what house the dog resided at, what the dog was doing in that cement, or anything else about it...other than that it was a dog

so my hope is that the footprints Christ allows me to leave will be looked upon in the future and someone will say i dont know who that was that made those footprints, i dont know where they lived or what they did or why they were here...i dont know what they did before or what they did after, but i know that the origin of this person was Christ...this person was a Christian

because sooner than we know or realize our names dont matter, our minor choices that seem so big dont really make that big a deal, because for about the billionth time...this isnt about you...or me...

this isnt about how big or great or much or different or fill in the blank you and your life are...this is all about leaving an impact where people only know later Who We Were, not who we were

so wherever you are in this moment...be there

and whether your finishing, starting, or just smack dab in the middle...

be all there, and while youre there: stand strong enough to make impact in cement but dont try and linger so your initials can be carved too...

i am doutful that this post will be very long
i also am unsure what i would like to write about

several of you have followed the journey of me practicing my heart out to make the golf team at columbus state...which i have successfully done


i have played and played and played...and played

and here i am exactly 5 days of work and 6 days from leaving for camp thinking...maybe not

maybe this fall in columbus isnt what God has for me...


i mean i made it yea...and maybe its just one of those i got what i wanted and now i dont want it anymore things...because that is so very kate classic as im learning...


maybe its because things at chick fil a are going so very very very well for me right now...


maybe its that little girl that doesnt want to leave her parents


maybe its the girl thats growing up and is finding more and more that maybe settling in with some roots wouldnt hurt...


i dont know what it is

but something just doesnt feel right about the fall

im scared out of my mind to say that to anyone but this screen, but its so freaking true
i hate letting people down, i hate letting myself down...and i feel like both happen if i back out now, but this fall...just doesnt feel like it should be


im very much wandering through a desert of questions right now but thats life right?

i hope that life for you, wherever that is and whatever that looks like is being lived with integrity and excitement...


i know its easy to get bogged down in the mundane daily tasks that become so normal and boring...but remember that your Father is in those too...just as much as He is in the blind man being healed in the third world countries

life is good today...but Life is good everyday...

i pray for authenticity and genuity for you wherever you are right now
i pray for answers and clarity with a peace that overwhelms your soul
i pray that love would drench your spirit like the rain after a drought in the summer
i pray you would live worthy of the calling you have recieved
i pray that you would draw closer to the heart of your Savior today then yesterday
i pray these for you because i long for them for me

my words are few and far between the last few weeks...but i serve a Loving Savior who speaks as loudly in silence as He does in a crowd

i hope youre week is awesome...and if it isnt, go grab a chick fil a sandwich, a milkshake, and have some time in outside just enjoying your Creator...it will almost definitely make things better...even if you dont have the sandwich and the milkshake