im getting pretty good at this...

if we took a look at our lives from Gods view or even just in the rear view mirror we would notice things. things that seemed so significant at the time that turned into nothing more than dust in the winds of time. but more relevant to this post, things that seemed insignificant that ended up taking our souls and thoughts captive. things that changed us. for good. for not so good. forever? maybe, but at least for now.

if you dont mind, i'll let you take a trip like that with me.

8th grade.
andrews christian school
mrs ackermans class
2000.
august.

we were studying the olympics that were going on in sydney. she assigned everyone a sport to do a report and presentation on. except for me....i was assigned the country of australia. the country? really? thats lame. everyone else gets to do some really cool sport and im stuck with telling you all about their music, the people, and the history? thats dumb.

oh if id only known.

that report now is a moment. a birth. of an idea. a dream. a goal. a wish. a hope. a want. a desire. an obsession, at points.

some days its almost all i can think about.



growing up in a world that was just short or maybe just beyond baptistpalooza, ive heard my fair share of stories about missionaries and their callings and their "heart for the nations"

if im being honest, and im trying to be, i would tell you that in about 99% of the talks like that ive heard ive had some pretty doubtful thoughts. what the heck does "heart for the nations" mean anyway? your "calling" to be a missionary? what if that was just heartburn? did God speak to you in the clouds or something? what if you heard it wrong?


but after several conversations/happenings that are much too long for me to desire to have any inclination of moving towards typing, i have this.....dilemna




progression of dilemna:
God loves me
i decided to love God back
*INSERT 8TH GRADE MOMENT
i figured out that involved learning His story
i figured out His story has to do with His people, even the ones that dont know theyre His
He punched me in the face with matthew 6:28....several times
the song Hosanna was introduced into my life, with the line "break my heart for what breaks yours" affecting me so deeply, i could feel it in my soul
He showed me the meaning of that line...if we are being like Christ, than every part of us will take on Christ's characteristics...even the painful parts...especially the painful parts...especially the things that break His heart
He spoke Truth into my life that this desire to be "down under" was not for kangaroos or vacation, it was for His people that are there

i mean, thats the jist of it

my heart literally aches for those people and that country.
i want them to know the Hope that i know. the Victory that i have. the Peace that i feel. the Constant that flows over me. the Truth that NEVER fails.



if i didnt believe that my parents would turn themselves inside out with worry, i would grab a backpack, sell what little i own and head to australia right now. literally. right this second. im not worried about where i would sleep or what i would eat or where i would stay, not because im a naive college student who is just looking for adventure but because i have a Father who takes care of me. He always has. He has NEVER made me go a night without shelter or a meal without food. He cares for me. and why would He let something or someONE He cares for and is enthralled with starve in the wilderness?

the Peace i have isnt describable. its a Peace of being more confident in the knowledge that if im in His sight i will be provided for and that im in His sight wherever i go.


to say ive been through hell the last 18 months seems to be an understatement, but guess what?...i made it. im making it. i will make it. not out of anything ive done. He has carried me. and continues to. He doesnt drop me, even when i think He has.

one day australia. one day.


i always have people ask me if i could do anything what it would be...and this is the answer i mean im fine with being in school and finishing, i know its, unfortunately, what some people will judge me with...and so just to have an answer for them, ill get a degree

but if i could absolutely do what i wanted, id probably move back home, work for enough time to raise up the 6600 to do a d.t.s. (discipleship training school) and then go live this dream. i could go on staff with them afterwards and it would let me travel the world. all while getting to love on people. jesus style....how freaking cool?!

...hey a girl can dream right?!

but for now, im taking classes at cgtc.
and then probably have another 4 years or so since ngu isnt looking so favorable in the "requiring classes that will actually transfer" category



there was a proposal over the weekend for me to move back to greenville with miranda and maybe take online classes out of clemson.

or i could go back to st george and take classes at college of while working.

or i could stay in milledgeville where everything is harder than i want it to be, nothing is in my comfort zone, im scared out of my mind, i feel like i end up in tears everytime i talk to my parents...but i have some really solid relationships forming...and some people who care about me....ALOT.

or i could go ice fish in alaska.

so many options...

but i just want to share Jesus....sheesh, whats a girl to do?!

if you are even still reading this and thinking it wore you out...first off, thanks for still reading this...and second try having all this decisional freedom around you 24/7 for a year or so....way exhausting

what have you been up to??

my life this year in 3 pictures or less
leaning more heavily on the 3 and not as much on the "or less"

1. chick fil a-40-50+ hours a week from last august until may...i saw and knew more about some of our daily customers than i did my parents, and i lived with them...no explanation needed at this point why that describes jan-may for me
2. this picture is from the place that feels more like home to me than anywhere else on this earth
and it perfectly sums up alot of what the summer is like...(this is my strong attempt not to rant out of pure passion) its ridiculous that i get paid, and have been for the last 3 summers, to love on these kids and, for the last 2 summers, these counselors...only one of which is in the picture with me but thats ok...she actually now lives across the street which has been...awesome...i get to spend 11 weeks a summer eating dippin dots, swimming, doing the "funny" voice, getting coffee for my counselors who are giving it all theyve got, praying for, with, and over some of the most God loving people ive ever met, making up games and having kids think theyre the coolest thing since sliced bread just because i made it up, laughing, playing, dancing, trying to keep my cool, worshipping, interacting, pouring pouring pouring, learning, building, remembering, and just all out having fun...and i get to love these crazy, make you wanna scream, cry, and laugh all at the same time, loud, obnoxious, snotty nosed, innocent, smelly, clingy, selfish, whiny, spoiled rotten really awesome amazing super kids and call it ministry...

and i wouldnt have it any other way
3. meet maggie, emmalyn, kathleen, and sarah...sarah would be the one from camp thats in the picture above this one...it is not an exaggeration to say that every. single. night. that they have been here we have hung out for at least an hour and a half...but usually ALOT longer...they make up kevin...dont worry if you dont understand that...they have taken me in and accepted and loved on me and have been a very reoccuring reminder of how good God is

emmalyn-she cares so much about people. shes really busy and lives with a full schedule...sometimes im kind of jealous. shes encouraging, driven, dedicated, and sensitive to other people. she always has something nice to say. shes always there for her friends and she even if it makes her uncomfortable or pushes her out of her comfort zone some...if its for someone else who needs it, shes there. she isnt afraid to be honest but she does it with love.

kathleen-shes really comfortable in her own skin. she exudes this confidence that draws people to her. she isnt afraid to tell you how it is. she and i share alot in common including our sarcasm...its nice to have that...not gonna lie. she loves to be around her friends but shes comfortable enough with who she is to not mind being alone, what a rare quality. shes quick on her feet, and she loves harry potter (but she has other fine qualities ;) shes also a big fan of the office, so she definitely has that going for her. shes a great advice giver because shes always processing whats going on around her...even when you dont think she is.

magtastic-Jesus kind. i know that isnt an actual phrase but kind doesnt start to cover it with her. she seriously might be the kindest person ive ever known. she loves jesus and she lets her life show it. she gives all she has to everything shes in...99% just isnt good enough. shes an observer so she isnt quite as talkative as SOME people...like um....me...but she ALWAYS knows whats going on. shes REALLY funny. im never around her long without a smile. she loves her family and she adores her friends. she has a really humbling heart. her love is real. and you dont spend much time with her without knowing that.

sarah-sarah is how i met the 3 other kiddos and we have a crazy bond. i was her CORE leader this summer so we spent quite a bit of time with each other (sidenote: i just now realized that my itunes wasnt playing, im kind of curious as to how long thats been happening...hmmm) she is one of the most caring people i remember having in my life. she always puts others before herself. she believes in the goodness of people. you can tell that she has a real desire for Love to win. shes really up front that she doesnt have all the answers, but you can tell by her heart that she is so aware of Who does. she finds happiness in little things. i wish i could be more like her. she is unlike ANY person ive ever met, i swear. she doesnt march to the beat of her own drum, she put the drum down and picked up the harmonica and started skipping (probably in the rain) because she knows she can play a better song with that and she doesnt like to be like all the other drummers and she definitely doesnt want to march when she could skip :) you know what i mean?!

put together-these girls have been SUCH a comfort in the moments of difficulty of picking up my life and moving to another state.

whew...thats alot of typing...

i start classes on thursday at 8:00 am.

nervous doesnt start to describe these feelings


i feel like i have failure stamped on my forehead, but i still have this really loud whisper of peace that somehow i know will eventually win out

im learning to love life because of who gives it rather than whats in it


i hope youre having a really great week, and if not...i hope you find a little fun in dancing in the rain, coloring, pixi sticks, play doh, laughing till it hurts, cherry coke, or a good cup of coffee and an ipod all of which have been a part of me finding joy in the last month and a half


pray for her, shes almost halfway done with her time in peru (well halfway in 18 days)
shes a good friend who is missed here in the states but i know is being used for GREAT things in this part of her journey...love you junco

"christianity, if false, is of no importance, and if true, of infinite importance. the only thing it can not be is moderately important"

-cs lewis

never a dull moment...

havent seen her (other than in my thoughts) in 19 months 4 days
havent texted her in 5 days
havent facebooked her in 39 days 2 hours 13 mins
havent spoken to her in 5 months 18 days


just talked to her on the phone for 90 mins 28 secs
it wouldve been longer had my phone not almost died
the comfort i found felt like i had just done all those things 5 mins ago
thats amazing....so is she...so is our friendship

its incredible that i serve a God whose timing is perfect
and humbling

miranda and i have a Christ-centered-in-spite-of-ourselves-friendship
very much so

God isnt finished with us yet...individually...or together
i feel it in my soul

im going to pray about it
you should too
and you too
and oh yea, you too
and hey you, yea, you-could you pray about it also?

(i stopped the above because i would have serious doubt that many more than 4 "you's" are reading this...maybe 4 less than that)

i hope youre having a fantastic weekend
im not going to church tomorrow...im going to listen to a sermon or 2 and play some really great praise music i just got and read my bible....and i think im ok with that

im thinking of doing a daniel fast...more later


this is what im struggling with right now...but i think we all do








on that note:

fin

awww...congratulations world, its a blog!

its happened

i have given into the blogging idea, of course now that i think about it...i never really fought it that much

the name for this blog literally came to me about 6 months ago around 3 a.m.

blind to this journey...but lead by the Light


thats the simplist way i can put my life right now
i am so very blind to what is 5 years down the road, or even 5 minutes for that matter


i have alot of thoughts, about alot of things
-this just seemed to be the best way to get those out
that way if someone gets tired/bored of listening (er reading) they can go to some other page or something, and im allowed to rant/ramble for as long as my little heart desires
...clearly its a win-win situation for all parties involved

this blog will also be an answer to the following questions that are becoming as constant as breathing: whats up with you these days? what are you doing with your life? how are things? where have you been? where are you headed?....hopefully

ok well, ive now sufficiently taken pressure off myself for the "first blog syndrome" by just talking about the blog itself, shared the purpose of this fiasco, formed some wishful thoughts, and subdued my boredom for some time

all in all-first blog=success :)