if you dont mind, i'll let you take a trip like that with me.
8th grade.
andrews christian school
mrs ackermans class
2000.
august.
we were studying the olympics that were going on in sydney. she assigned everyone a sport to do a report and presentation on. except for me....i was assigned the country of australia. the country? really? thats lame. everyone else gets to do some really cool sport and im stuck with telling you all about their music, the people, and the history? thats dumb.
oh if id only known.
that report now is a moment. a birth. of an idea. a dream. a goal. a wish. a hope. a want. a desire. an obsession, at points.
some days its almost all i can think about.
growing up in a world that was just short or maybe just beyond baptistpalooza, ive heard my fair share of stories about missionaries and their callings and their "heart for the nations"
if im being honest, and im trying to be, i would tell you that in about 99% of the talks like that ive heard ive had some pretty doubtful thoughts. what the heck does "heart for the nations" mean anyway? your "calling" to be a missionary? what if that was just heartburn? did God speak to you in the clouds or something? what if you heard it wrong?
but after several conversations/happenings that are much too long for me to desire to have any inclination of moving towards typing, i have this.....dilemna
progression of dilemna:
God loves me
i decided to love God back
*INSERT 8TH GRADE MOMENT
i figured out that involved learning His story
i figured out His story has to do with His people, even the ones that dont know theyre His
He punched me in the face with matthew 6:28....several times
the song Hosanna was introduced into my life, with the line "break my heart for what breaks yours" affecting me so deeply, i could feel it in my soul
He showed me the meaning of that line...if we are being like Christ, than every part of us will take on Christ's characteristics...even the painful parts...especially the painful parts...especially the things that break His heart
He spoke Truth into my life that this desire to be "down under" was not for kangaroos or vacation, it was for His people that are there
i mean, thats the jist of it
my heart literally aches for those people and that country.
i want them to know the Hope that i know. the Victory that i have. the Peace that i feel. the Constant that flows over me. the Truth that NEVER fails.
if i didnt believe that my parents would turn themselves inside out with worry, i would grab a backpack, sell what little i own and head to australia right now. literally. right this second. im not worried about where i would sleep or what i would eat or where i would stay, not because im a naive college student who is just looking for adventure but because i have a Father who takes care of me. He always has. He has NEVER made me go a night without shelter or a meal without food. He cares for me. and why would He let something or someONE He cares for and is enthralled with starve in the wilderness?
the Peace i have isnt describable. its a Peace of being more confident in the knowledge that if im in His sight i will be provided for and that im in His sight wherever i go.
to say ive been through hell the last 18 months seems to be an understatement, but guess what?...i made it. im making it. i will make it. not out of anything ive done. He has carried me. and continues to. He doesnt drop me, even when i think He has.
one day australia. one day.
i always have people ask me if i could do anything what it would be...and this is the answer i mean im fine with being in school and finishing, i know its, unfortunately, what some people will judge me with...and so just to have an answer for them, ill get a degree
but if i could absolutely do what i wanted, id probably move back home, work for enough time to raise up the 6600 to do a d.t.s. (discipleship training school) and then go live this dream. i could go on staff with them afterwards and it would let me travel the world. all while getting to love on people. jesus style....how freaking cool?!
...hey a girl can dream right?!
but for now, im taking classes at cgtc.
and then probably have another 4 years or so since ngu isnt looking so favorable in the "requiring classes that will actually transfer" category
there was a proposal over the weekend for me to move back to greenville with miranda and maybe take online classes out of clemson.
or i could go back to st george and take classes at college of while working.
or i could stay in milledgeville where everything is harder than i want it to be, nothing is in my comfort zone, im scared out of my mind, i feel like i end up in tears everytime i talk to my parents...but i have some really solid relationships forming...and some people who care about me....ALOT.
or i could go ice fish in alaska.
so many options...
but i just want to share Jesus....sheesh, whats a girl to do?!
if you are even still reading this and thinking it wore you out...first off, thanks for still reading this...and second try having all this decisional freedom around you 24/7 for a year or so....way exhausting
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