Growing up....

I have absolutely no idea how to start this post...

i feel like i have so much to say and nothing at all at the same time, is that even possible?

...i guess so since it is happening

i doubted when i wrote on this regularly that any people read this alot...
i definitely doubt it now...

if you have been waiting (so pretty much dad...)
sorry for my sebatical


alot of big things have happened in the last couple of months...

maggie has transferred to columbus state to spend more time with her family and to kind of be able to take a step back from life for a while...

of course because i love her so much im glad she was able to make the tough decision to leave because it takes so much strength to make decisions that you know are the right ones but you also know are the hardest ones, but also because i love her, i miss her alot...and im really thankful for skype and texting and facebook and all the other things that can keep us connected when we arent together...

my prayer is that one day i will be able to live less than 2 hours away from her again, if its in God's will but we'll see i guess

along that line...

my really big regret in life is that i gave up golf to go to college when i didnt have too, its just one thing...and im thankful i dont have more regrets than that...but its one that ive thought about alot to a point of almost haunting...

alot of times in life i feel like God doesn't give us re-do's but the few times that He does, im so thankful...

i was browsing around the columbus state website on monday night and found out that they have just started a women's golf program this year...i was pretty sure i was too old to start playing a college sport but then realized that they have a grad student who is 54 on the team...this obviously quickly changed my mind

i thought what the hey? ill fill out a recruiting questionarre just to see what happens

the next day i got an email from the coach saying that hed really like to talk to me

emailed him back with my number and told him to call me whenever (that sounds like a bad bar story)

the next morning, he called me and we talked for 45 mins

the summary of that conversation is that i have 3 or 4 semesters of academic eligibility left to play a collegiate sport and im going to be driving to columbus thursday for him to watch me play a round to see if he wants to put me on the team

i am beyond excited, im attempting not to get my hopes up...but, im not really thinking thats my spiritual gift right now because im not doing really well at it


i guess we'll see how it goes thursday...(a prayer or 6 for that would NOT hurt my feelings at all)

there have also been some friendships lost the last few months...details dont matter i guess, but you never get used to losing friendships that youve valued...and i guess you shouldnt really...but, it sure would hurt alot less if at some point you did...

but love hurts sometimes right?
i pray that bitterness doesnt consume me now or ever and that my soul would only continue to feel love and forgiveness for friendships like this one...

im definitely a work in progress

arent we all??!!


it has shown me a small fraction of how i guess my Father feels when He loves me so much and i do all i can to ignore His Heart for me....its almost crippling




im not coming back to milledgeville in the fall...
ill miss the relationships i have here...but im ready for this change...very very ready...wherever that change will be


i know that my time here has been for reason but what reason? im not so sure, i guess since this whole life thing isnt about me...it might not matter that i know or not...


change that: it doesnt matter


my beautiful best friend from high school got engaged last night...


bittersweet

im so very excited for her because he seems like a great guy (i havent actually met him, thats what i get for living 2 states away i guess) and i know that there relationship will bring nothing but glory to God and how could you not be thrilled for that??

part of me is a bit sad though, just because of the mourning over the passing of this part of mine and jess' friendship...and life in general...but i cant wait to see where this next chapter in THEIR lives take them...what an exciting adventure

i love her though and i'm so honored/humbled/proud to be able to be a part of her day in 6 months


i guess thats pretty much it for the "big changes"

the ones that are definable at least

ive officially signed on to be a jr camp core leader at camp all american...this will be my 4th summer, i cant believe it

these past 4 years have FLOWN by

i was in day camp last year (1st-3rd graders) but just missed jr camp (4-6 year olds) alot....theyre just really precious innocent daily reminders of Gods love, and i think a solid 10 weeks of that could be just what the doctor ordered...im pumped (but that wont surprise many people)

i also get to be a puppet in the puppet show every week...so i mean, whats not great about that??

ok i dont know how to transition to the next thing...so just...consider this the transition :)

it never gets old learning things

especially things from the Almighty

last month after exams i got the absolute pleasure and honor to go spend a couple of days with maggie and her family in columbus...

i always get nervous when i meet someones family, im not sure why, but dont judge

i was so humbled to find (not so unexpectedly) that her family is just as precious as her...such a sweet, giving, welcoming, warm environment...

more than almost any other family ive ever met...


they arent perfect, they have their flaws...but just really precious none the less


they love people so well, and the love them in the most perfect way, right where they are....


i have racked my brain as to why they are so much better at this than lots of other families ive met, and i believe ive figured it out...


alice ann.

aa is an absolute blessing, a sweet gift, a beautiful vision of grace....but if you looked at her with earthly eyes you would say she was "special needs"....i think her needs are just different...but she is absolutely special...i love every second i get to hang out with her

but part of what she has brought with her is different obstacles, not more or less, just different, for her family to walk with her on and overcome...

every family, every human being, every group, every relationship on this earth comes with struggles and trials and baggage and obstacles and stepping stones...

but we walk around with our smiles on and our shirts ironed and our hair combed and our shoes shined trying to fool either other people or ourselves or maybe even both that we dont have hard stuff...

but for maggies family, its a little more at the surface...it would be easy to guess that even though alice ann is an absolute joyous blessing from God, learning how to help her adapt to the world around or and teaching the world around her to adapt to her has been one of the biggest sources of difficulty for them

and since their "struggle" (i wish i could think of another word) is so visible and there is no use in pretending that the trial isnt there (i dont mean that alice ann is a trial at all...i just mean helping her communicate/live day to day is) they just have learned to not only accept but to embrace that everyone has hardships....everyone has their own stuff they have to learn to live with/around...and you get the sense that they just dont feel like its worth the energy of trying to pretend its not there


my prayer is that this year i would learn to spend more time putting my stuff out there and watching the world embrace it and learning how to embrace other peoples stuff rather than wasting days trying to pretend like if i buy enough shirts, or get enough A's, or make enough money, or whatever my particular blank is....than it will make it not be hard or make it go away or whatever it is that i think will happen by hiding it, or trying to


ive got some trash that needs to be taken out
ive got some rooms in my house that need to be cleaned up
ive got some relationships that need some work
ive got some clothes that just dont fit anymore, they were good once...but now just not so much
ive got a heart and a soul and some love to give and none of it is perfect


but so do you
and you
and you too
and so does that lady that sits beside you at work
and so does that new kid in your class
and so does that guy you always see at church but never talk to because you "dont have time"


and so does everyone else


so whatever,

why dont we just start dancing with our own aliceann's, instead of pretending we dont hear a song....