okay, so who am i?

i dont remember how long ago, but a couple of years ago, i guess right at 2 actually i sat in milledgeville, ga and did something strange

kate mardis did something strange?
please try to contain your shocked face


i started writing who i was
what?
i dont remember why exactly, i guess i just wanted some sort of firmer answer to the question who are you? tell me about yourself.....
because surprisingly i get that question a lot
and beyond the factual things like, female, caucasian, 23, southern....the rest is sort of up in the air for debate unless i have some sort of defense and knowledge about it

so i just started writing and it ended up being 8 pages...some of it stuff i was proud of, some not so much...but there it was...8 pages of phrases made up of anywhere from 1-7 or 8 words describing me...and i havent looked at that list in a while, a year ago i guess was the last time...so what im gonna do is accept the fact that ive changed a little since 2 years ago and sort of make a list on here, and then ill be able to compare them maybe...because sometimes, its fun to see your growth...and sometimes its not fun....but either way, its a really good thing to do

ya know, to be honest with yourself and the Lord
and in my case, all of the internet who ventures into my little cave of thoughts
so here we go i guess:

i never feel more comfortable than when im in my chucks and a pair of jeans, hilarious is no longer a term that i find a big compliment in...its more just sort of a phrase i accept as factual yet cliche, even if well intentioned, and move on, unapologetically passionate, people watcher, so creative, i'm awesome at coming up with ideas...not so swell with follow through-but i am beginning to realize this just means i am a big picture person and not a details person, its rare that i go to a public place alone and dont end up having a conversation with someone, ive met all kinds of people with all kinds of stories and its honestly one of my favorite qualities about me

when i talk about the Lord it sounds more like im talking about my best friend...actually i guess i am

i will never get tired of kids, or what they teach me
God allows me a privilege and responsibility of seeing things very very very differently than other people
owning a mac makes me feel cooler, i wont lie
the more i like Jesus the harder it is for me to find motivation to live and work towards the future, bc i just like today and what it brings mostly
God has made me brave
i get irritated with immaturity and irresponsibility very quickly
excuses wont get you anywhere with me
i have a heart to help lots of people
it bothers me when people arent understanding with other people
compassion matters
worship happens a lot, and very rarely in church for me
i cant imagine doing anything other than marketing
i love life, and living, and breathing, and creating, and discovering, and learning, and talking, and listening, and being, and helping, and following, and leading, and believing, and understanding, and accomplishing, and wondering, and dreaming, and questioning, and looking, and seeing, and just existing
i will always make the decision that i believe i can defend and stand on, not the decision that everyone around me thinks is best....because if one day i look back and see that the only thing ive got left to stand on are the choices ive made, than i at least want to be comfortable in their solidness
if anyone ever figures out how to read my mind besides Jesus, they will probably be very confused
you wont understand this maybe, but if i look at an object for a second or so, then most of the time i can tell you what it would look like if it were animated
i'm pretty sure im going to write a book one day
i am a lot more comfortable being alone then most of the rest of the world i think
i want to be rich one day because i want to give everything i have away but i realized the other day that i probably wont ever be rich because i already give almost everything i have away and i am so beyond ok with that, you have no idea
a month ago i had taken out a little extra on a student loan so i could buy a mac but someone made me feel bad about doing that so i didnt even though i had wanted one for a long time, so then on my birthday the school called and said they had messed up my paperwork and charged me too much so id be getting my 2nd refund of the semester, the amount of the refund was exactly the amount of my mac...so i didnt turn down the 2nd chance and you WILL NOT convince me that it was anything other than God Himself intervening on my behalf, and no i am not joking

people fascinate me
i think it should be criminal to talk down people and their dreams just because your life is miserable
i believe with everything i am that if we started living as though God is everything we say He is in our churches on sundays this world would be so so so so so much different
someone told me when i was little God was going to use me for BIG CRAZY things and i was just silly enough that i still believe they were right
i have a football player that likes me
i am a jerk to him
and he still likes me
and it makes me laugh
and confuses me
there is even some sort of possibility that he might read this
which also sort of makes me laugh
i guess i should define what i mean by like
he ends up showing up places i am a lot
and then sits down and talks to me/distracts me until he decides to go find someone who will be nice to him
which is rarely me
anyway
i wanna move to australia one day
i have trouble knowing whether to use affect or effect and it bothers me
but not enough to do anything about it
a goo goo dolls song just came on, ive got a coffee in my hand, the bible beside me, and probably a friend to talk to not far from showing up, all that adds up to this moment being as perfect as i could ask for...so on that note, i leave you with this:

if you dont know who you are
figure it out
write it down
talk it out
learn it
feel it
think about it
after you figure it out, love it
love it with all youve got
even the crappy stuff
why?
because right now, this is where you are
this is where the Lord has you
its where He is choosing to use you, and love you, and grow you, and meet you
be proud of who God has made you, even if everyone else calls it weird
fall in love with the pieces God has made your puzzle out of
jump into it with both feet and dont look back and dont apologize
be who you are
its too hard and life is too short to be anything but yourself
and besides you spend all this time trying to fool everyone and sooner or later the truth comes out anyway
so why waste those moments pretending
there are bigger dragons to fight
so go fight em
and stop worrying about why your armor doesnt look like everyone elses
it might be because its meant to fight a different dragon
you wont know till you try
go live your life with some gusto
and for the Lord's sake, give it all youve got, you owe it to Him