Beautiful Jesus

oh my goodness.

i mean im a girl so i cry but it takes an act of God to make me cry in church
seriously
like a legit act of God

or i guess if someone kicked me that might do it too, but that hasnt ever happened so im only speculating really

but the service i just walked out of from seacoast i straight balled
im not even going to front

im sorry to inform the rest of every single person that attended services this weekend but im pretty sure that God was all over me in that one....good if you got something from it too...but it was basically Him just talking to me and the rest is just icing on the Jesus cake

ok obviously im kidding
but God was wrecking me and hugging me and loving me and messin me up all at the same dang time

before i go on i should go ahead and let you know that friday was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day which has all but been standard for me lately

it ended with me crying on the couch smearing my sudoku puzzle (dont judge, im trying to better myself by working out my brain, dont hate) and in my teary mess i actually said "God can you please please please just be nice to me tomorrow...PLEASE???"

i dont know that i actually expected that to happen
i mean i dont really know how i thought i was going to realize if God was being nice to me or not

He went above and beyond yesterday...and it was great

i got to see and hug a couple of really precious friends at work
work was good because people are pretty cheery since its the holidays
it was cold and rainy (yes i love this sort of weather)
i got to come home and put on my nice comfy favorite sweat pants
i found a pair of really great socks id bought a few weeks ago i forgot about and if you know me then you know that getting to put socks on to match my shirt is sort of a closet nerd thing i like to do
i had some really incredible Jesus/writing/reflection time...it was marvelous


so tonight i went to church and it hadnt been a bad day...but it hadnt been a really great day either

i felt like yesterday was Jesus' christmas present to me and i decided id just be grateful for that and wasnt expecting anything except church as usual

which seems normal but as i type it out and read it on the screen what a silly thing to love the Lord and go into a gathering of His people and not expect that He is going to do something great...seems like were setting the bar sort of low like why would God ever show up at His party?...hmmm

anyway

pause: there is a guy that just sat down next to me at starbucks and a. he is pretty and b. he is apparently intelligent because he goes to wofford...so either that or rich...or both and c. he has on shorts...sir...um...you are clearly wealthy and or smart so why do you have on shorts when it is 39 degrees outside...id give you one of my 3 layers but i dont think you would look good in girls clothes and they wouldnt fit you and id be cold, which you clearly dont care about

unpause

so the message tonight was about finding joy in the midst of chaos and the unknown, and if you know anything about the stuff ive been walking through the last little while then you know that chaos is an understatement for me

i wont try to explain everything that the Lord was pouring onto and answering me with bc i wouldnt do it justice but go listen to the message from the mt pleasant campus that should be posted tomorrow under hidden God at the seacoast website link if you have about 35 free minutes...itll be worth it, i promise


well in the middleish of the message i felt a tear flow right from my cheek and then another...and before i knew it i was sitting there crying pitifully and couldnt do a darn thing to try and stop...and believe me i tried to control it...you have no idea...but to no avail

so i went over and prayed at the cross during the invitation just a prayer of humbled gratitude at the goodness of the Lord and how generous He has been with it to me the last couple of days

so i went back to my seat and was listening to a chris tomlin tune just soaking in the words and their depth

at that moment i felt this hand on my shoulder and looked down to see a red haired girl probably late 20's who looked an incredible amount like amy adams standing there...she started saying hey you dont know me and i promise i never do this but i was crying in the service and looked up and saw you crying too and i cant seem to shake this feeling to come and tell you something but i dont really know what to tell you except i was crying too and i just wanted to tell you that and im...



and i stopped her right there and started crying harder and told her about everything ive held inside for about the last 2 months and in the middle of that she stopped me and then said

oh my goodness i know why i was supposed to be here tonight...because i have been through the same thing and its the hardest thing youll ever go through and then she proceeded to say some things in some ways that were absolutely direct answers to some of the questions ive been wrestling with God over...in the same order in which ive asked them....WHATTTTTT????!!!!


i was SPEECHLESS AND CRYING

what a great combo

so she went back to her seat after a few minutes and then the woman beside me a few seats over came over and started telling me she was praying for me....
and then someone behind me put their hand on my shoulders and just sort of left it there while i wept out of nothing but purely floored gratitude to God

after that the service was over and i was like great, what do i do now...because anything you do after that short of i dont even know what...seems anticlimactic

unless

one of the pastors ive had some involvement with from theWell (college ministry) comes over and talks to me for about 30 minutes and speaks into and about some of the same things i was learning and realizing from my Jesus time last night without even knowing thats the stuff that i was learning

and thats exactly what happened

and then i came to starbucks, bought the charlie brown christmas cd, got a free gift card to sb because of it, and now im here

just sitting processing, dwelling, trying to let it all sink in...

and after all this i am now further floored because God has reminded me for about the BILLIONTH time of the fact that yes life is soooooo hard sometimes....and questions and confusion and trials and all that...they arent fun....

BUT

He STILL loves me and is STILL working for my good and STILL is RIGHT HERE WITH ME COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY...no matter what my dads done or not done...my DAD is STILL in control

He HAS THIS
HE HAS ME
AND YOU
AND US
AND EVERYTHING
GOOD
BAD
HARD
EASY
WONDERFUL
HORRIBLE
WEAK
STRONG
HES GOT IT
HES HAD IT
HE'LL CONTINUE TO HAVE IT
ALL OF IT
HE ISNT LEAVING
HE ISNT MOVING UNLESS HE IS TAKING ME TOO
HES FAITHFUL TO THE END

HALLELUJAH ALMIGHTY
HE IS WITH ME AND YOU AND EVERY PERSON WE CANT STAND AND EVERY PERSON WE CANT SEEM TO SPEND ENOUGH TIME WITH AND EVERYBODY WE USED TO KNOW AND WILL KNOW AND WONT EVER KNOW AND KIND OF KNOW...HES GOT US...HE HASNT FORGOTTEN HIS PROMISES, EVEN WHEN WE HAVE

THANK YOU JESUS
AMEN