Easy Mac and Raisin Bran...

God thumps me in the head a lot

what i mean by that is He chooses to get my attention (thumping) in extraordinary ways (in the head) often (a lot)

it is probably because i have never been one to pick up on things in "normal ways"

i guess since He made me, He might realize that

so last weekend it shouldn't have surprised me that my easily distracted mind was one of the venues He did this through, but as usual, it did

it doesn't shock many (any) people to find out i am about as ADHD as they come, even with a crazy high dose of medicine daily its still a struggle to get me to focus completely...keep in mind i deal with this with myself when im alone just as much if not more than when im with other people...because i know that i have to be more intentional and direct with certain things...even day to day tasks like washing the dishes...most of the time i just kind of have to almost distract the distraction by adding a little creativity or "fun" to something so that i become distracted by the game enough that i just end up doing the task...if that doesnt make sense, just bear with me or ask me about it later, ill try to explain it

so last week i went into the kitchen to wash out my bowl of easy mac at which point i decided to see if i could clean the mac bowl completely by only watching the dirty cereal bowl that was sitting underneath it in the sink....the thought was that once i saw consistently that the water in the cereal bowl was completely clear i would be sure that the mac and cheese bowl i was holding was clean too...and voila i also wouldve taken care of washing 2 bowls only 1 of which was mine

as i was playing my little game a thought occured:

coming into this summer has been unlike any other for me, spiritually i have felt less worthy of this challenge than i have any other year...i have doubted up until almost the day of training how effective i was going to be because of how messy/gross/dirty internally i am increasingly realizing i am inside 

i have cried out to God in worry and fear about what kind of leader i was going to be able to be if coming into it i was so empty myself

(heres the connection)

God never called me to be clean, He only called me to be under the faucet

i would not have been able to clean the cereal bowl very well if all i did was look at the mac and cheese, but alternatively i was able to clean the mac and cheese by focusing on channeling the water towards the cereal bowl

i dont have to worry about my dirt, i just have to make sure that the Source from which i'm getting my water is pure and then focusing on moving that water to the cereal bowls i want to be cleaned too

by doing so i become so "distracted by the distraction" of getting refreshed so that the cereal bowls can be cleaned and purified that i am forced to move out of my own way

and maybe in the end we'll have more clean dishes than what we started with