i should probably not be allowed to write things at 3 am.
starbucks shouldnt be allowed to charge 5.50 for a cup of hot water and beans crushed and mixed together either.
what is and what should be arent the same thing though, so here i sit at 2:47 am just typing my life away
sometimes my whoa, Jesus moments come from conversations im having where literally the Lord will, in the easiest/only way i know to describe it, pour words into me and have me say them or type them and i will do it very much thinking that they are my words and as soon as i say/type it i will look at it and go. whoa. that was way way way NOT me...i am so not that good
and this may very well sound prideful and crazy to you
and it might be
you know, the whole God uses me to speak to me thing...
but im really prideful sometimes and so whatever, if God is ok with it, im down too.
well this happened twice tonight
first occurance: wisdom for me is what God uses to fill the gap between what i thought would be and what actually is...so probably the bigger the gap between how you thought your life was going to go and how its actually gone, the more wisdom youve got
second occurance: of course we are scared, because losing our lives, you know dying to ourselves so we gain His, its painful...it hurts deep, and we know its going to hurt deep and we are taught to fear pain, so here we are afraid of the pain of losing our lives so that we might Live but thats where faith comes in the picture, faith jumps in and goes yo jesus, im going to come out on the water to be with you IN SPITE of being afraid not IN PLACE of it
i dont even know what the end result of this post is going towards but im just gonna put down some thoughts and...eh...it probably doesnt matter, youre asleep anyway
the past little while i have spent looking up definitions of feeling versus being
why?
well because quite frankly i dont know what to do with the fact that God tells peter in matthew 14:22-36 to not be afraid
but im afraid, basically all them time, of something...and if im not afraid of that then i start being afraid of something else
and i dont know how to not be afraid of stuff that is scary
here is what i have figured out
to be is defined as to be possessed by a state or percieved reality
to feel is simply to be affected by or aware of
and its interesting isnt it that the Lord doesnt say here, dont feel afraid, dont be affected by something that is human nature, dont be aware that im asking you to do something that you dont understand the logistics of
instead he says dont be possessed by fear, dont allow YOUR PERCEPTION of the way things are, your understanding of how things go, your ideas of what is probably going to occur, yea that...dont be owned by that...dont allow that to control you
and he follows it up with an instruction to have courage...well of course i went and looked up what have meant and its defined as being in possession of, to be identified or distinguished by
so he says pete...my man...dude, dont you let fear control you here, instead take possession of so that you may be identified and distinguished by courage
the thing that sticks out to me is the whole percieved reality thing followed by being distinguished and identified by thing
how many flipping times does Jesus call me to get out on some water with Him and because my perceived reality (which is defined by: the understanding of what is real based usually on previous facts or events) i go nah, thanks but no thanks...ill stick with stayin in the boat, but at least im on the water right?
HECK NO ITS NOT RIGHT
God wants to show me how cool He is, how His reality trumps my perception, how He isnt confined to the way things used to be, or how they should be, or how they usually end up, He wants to show me how with Him, all things are possible, even freaking walking on freaking water during a freaking storm is possible, He wants to show me how with Him the only thing that is impossible...is impossible.
it might be because its 4 am...ill know when i read this again tomorrow, but im pretty sure that last sentence is the third occurrence tonight of the God talking to me through me stuff...but im just not sure right now
and the first thing He tells me to do in order to walk on that water is to have courage
dont worry i looked courage up too
it said to be brave
so i looked that up too
to defy, challenge, or dare....the quality that enables a person to face a situation full of difficulty and danger without fear
so i think this is what is true with these 2 pairs of words....being afraid vs having courage
fear=more to do with emotions, less to do with character
courage=more to do with character, less to do with emotions
emotions change from one second to the next, character doesnt
Don't be afraid. Have courage, I AM here.
dont let that fearful emotion be what controls you, dont live in that percieved reality because of what you think you know
instead, have the quality, possess, own, be identified and distinguished by the quality that allows you to defy, challenge, and dare a situation full of difficulty and danger
and then this one last thing...its the biggest, and i almost missed it, im glad God didnt let me
in 3 words, He says how, why, and in what way peter can have that brave trait that allows him to defy, challenge, and dare a very unnerving, abnormal, completely uncomfortable, confusing situation...I. AM. HERE.
Jesus is Here. Jesus is There. Jesus is Way Over There. and Right Behind Here. He is Present so that you might be in control of a quality to defy your reality.
i dont care what your mom said will happen if you try that
i dont care what your best friend said will happen if you go after that
i dont care what your dad said he would bet his life on would happen if you went there
it doesnt matter to me what you have seen a million times before
it doesnt matter what the odds stacked against you are
i dont care what society says
my God made the odds so He sure as heck can change them whenever He wants
my God isn't confined to the box of "whats possible" that everybody and their brother around you swears by
my God doesnt work on time tables, He created time
my God doesnt move based on whats happened every time before
my God thrives on taking impossible completely out of the equation
so stop making excuses
stop being ruled by your emotion
stop taking every fact about your past into account
stop letting the "yeah but what if" game beat you every time
stop looking at every reason you shouldnt, cant, and wont be able to and start lifting your eyes to The Giver of Life...The One Calling You to Himself
at some point you decided it was ok to allow fear to write your story
but eventually, you reach a moment and realize that all fear is doing is writing a book full of four letter words
give the pen back to The Best Author around
start living a much better story
and probably for your sake, dont dwell on all those four letter words
No comments:
Post a Comment