Beautiful Jesus

oh my goodness.

i mean im a girl so i cry but it takes an act of God to make me cry in church
seriously
like a legit act of God

or i guess if someone kicked me that might do it too, but that hasnt ever happened so im only speculating really

but the service i just walked out of from seacoast i straight balled
im not even going to front

im sorry to inform the rest of every single person that attended services this weekend but im pretty sure that God was all over me in that one....good if you got something from it too...but it was basically Him just talking to me and the rest is just icing on the Jesus cake

ok obviously im kidding
but God was wrecking me and hugging me and loving me and messin me up all at the same dang time

before i go on i should go ahead and let you know that friday was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day which has all but been standard for me lately

it ended with me crying on the couch smearing my sudoku puzzle (dont judge, im trying to better myself by working out my brain, dont hate) and in my teary mess i actually said "God can you please please please just be nice to me tomorrow...PLEASE???"

i dont know that i actually expected that to happen
i mean i dont really know how i thought i was going to realize if God was being nice to me or not

He went above and beyond yesterday...and it was great

i got to see and hug a couple of really precious friends at work
work was good because people are pretty cheery since its the holidays
it was cold and rainy (yes i love this sort of weather)
i got to come home and put on my nice comfy favorite sweat pants
i found a pair of really great socks id bought a few weeks ago i forgot about and if you know me then you know that getting to put socks on to match my shirt is sort of a closet nerd thing i like to do
i had some really incredible Jesus/writing/reflection time...it was marvelous


so tonight i went to church and it hadnt been a bad day...but it hadnt been a really great day either

i felt like yesterday was Jesus' christmas present to me and i decided id just be grateful for that and wasnt expecting anything except church as usual

which seems normal but as i type it out and read it on the screen what a silly thing to love the Lord and go into a gathering of His people and not expect that He is going to do something great...seems like were setting the bar sort of low like why would God ever show up at His party?...hmmm

anyway

pause: there is a guy that just sat down next to me at starbucks and a. he is pretty and b. he is apparently intelligent because he goes to wofford...so either that or rich...or both and c. he has on shorts...sir...um...you are clearly wealthy and or smart so why do you have on shorts when it is 39 degrees outside...id give you one of my 3 layers but i dont think you would look good in girls clothes and they wouldnt fit you and id be cold, which you clearly dont care about

unpause

so the message tonight was about finding joy in the midst of chaos and the unknown, and if you know anything about the stuff ive been walking through the last little while then you know that chaos is an understatement for me

i wont try to explain everything that the Lord was pouring onto and answering me with bc i wouldnt do it justice but go listen to the message from the mt pleasant campus that should be posted tomorrow under hidden God at the seacoast website link if you have about 35 free minutes...itll be worth it, i promise


well in the middleish of the message i felt a tear flow right from my cheek and then another...and before i knew it i was sitting there crying pitifully and couldnt do a darn thing to try and stop...and believe me i tried to control it...you have no idea...but to no avail

so i went over and prayed at the cross during the invitation just a prayer of humbled gratitude at the goodness of the Lord and how generous He has been with it to me the last couple of days

so i went back to my seat and was listening to a chris tomlin tune just soaking in the words and their depth

at that moment i felt this hand on my shoulder and looked down to see a red haired girl probably late 20's who looked an incredible amount like amy adams standing there...she started saying hey you dont know me and i promise i never do this but i was crying in the service and looked up and saw you crying too and i cant seem to shake this feeling to come and tell you something but i dont really know what to tell you except i was crying too and i just wanted to tell you that and im...



and i stopped her right there and started crying harder and told her about everything ive held inside for about the last 2 months and in the middle of that she stopped me and then said

oh my goodness i know why i was supposed to be here tonight...because i have been through the same thing and its the hardest thing youll ever go through and then she proceeded to say some things in some ways that were absolutely direct answers to some of the questions ive been wrestling with God over...in the same order in which ive asked them....WHATTTTTT????!!!!


i was SPEECHLESS AND CRYING

what a great combo

so she went back to her seat after a few minutes and then the woman beside me a few seats over came over and started telling me she was praying for me....
and then someone behind me put their hand on my shoulders and just sort of left it there while i wept out of nothing but purely floored gratitude to God

after that the service was over and i was like great, what do i do now...because anything you do after that short of i dont even know what...seems anticlimactic

unless

one of the pastors ive had some involvement with from theWell (college ministry) comes over and talks to me for about 30 minutes and speaks into and about some of the same things i was learning and realizing from my Jesus time last night without even knowing thats the stuff that i was learning

and thats exactly what happened

and then i came to starbucks, bought the charlie brown christmas cd, got a free gift card to sb because of it, and now im here

just sitting processing, dwelling, trying to let it all sink in...

and after all this i am now further floored because God has reminded me for about the BILLIONTH time of the fact that yes life is soooooo hard sometimes....and questions and confusion and trials and all that...they arent fun....

BUT

He STILL loves me and is STILL working for my good and STILL is RIGHT HERE WITH ME COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY...no matter what my dads done or not done...my DAD is STILL in control

He HAS THIS
HE HAS ME
AND YOU
AND US
AND EVERYTHING
GOOD
BAD
HARD
EASY
WONDERFUL
HORRIBLE
WEAK
STRONG
HES GOT IT
HES HAD IT
HE'LL CONTINUE TO HAVE IT
ALL OF IT
HE ISNT LEAVING
HE ISNT MOVING UNLESS HE IS TAKING ME TOO
HES FAITHFUL TO THE END

HALLELUJAH ALMIGHTY
HE IS WITH ME AND YOU AND EVERY PERSON WE CANT STAND AND EVERY PERSON WE CANT SEEM TO SPEND ENOUGH TIME WITH AND EVERYBODY WE USED TO KNOW AND WILL KNOW AND WONT EVER KNOW AND KIND OF KNOW...HES GOT US...HE HASNT FORGOTTEN HIS PROMISES, EVEN WHEN WE HAVE

THANK YOU JESUS
AMEN

Two Blogs with One Sto...er...Mac?

ok so i am horrible Horrible HORRIBLE at follow through
this isnt the first time ive mentioned it
im not 1000% motivated right now but im whatever percent motivated enough to make a claim with some sort of action behind it to try and work on this little not so great habit...if not entirely fix it

this blog was never intended to become only deep thoughts
thats what its become though
i have a lot of deep thoughts sure
but not every idea that passes through this brain is of the, even if imagined, spiritual superiority that it at times feels like this blog has become

in some ways i appreciate that its become a place where i have to meditate and really filter and process what im thinking before i write
i am grateful to have this blog and will continue to write on it
in a way its become a counselor sort of for me...this might not make sense to many (any) of you...but its become this place i can put down things and realize intentionally sometimes, not so much others, how they have not just affected my tangible life but the God and me aspect too..and i think thats incredible...and rare...and awesome

i have other stuff i wanna say though and if only for reasons of my imagination, i dont always feel like i can put them here...
so what im doing is...or have already done actually is....to start a tumblr account...a tumblr for those who dont know is a place i can post conversations, photos, audio, video, short thoughts, long thoughts, links...anything....of any length...and any depth and i am linking this account to the tumblr so that posts here can be in the future read there too...

well kate why not just write the new ones on the other thing
a. let me do what i want please :)
b. there is something in my brain that sees the new thing as a casual funny friend..and this as a counselor/confidant...dont ask...i know its weird
c. because 2 blogs are better than 1 right?

oh yea to the follow through and how this helps:
my not so new years resolution (see what i did there? by adding not so to new years resolution i made it look original...clever i know) is to write more often on here...

i heard recently that if you write online but dont write faithfully you cant expect your readers to read faithfully either...i dont know that i have a ton of readers but i hear the solidity of the idea...the principle...and to me faithfully at first meant daily...and thats overwhelming and i know im kidding myself if i promised daily posts

but then i started thinking and realized...hey what if faithfully was just once a week...that seems WAY more doable....so sundays...sundays is gonna be blog faithfully day for me...it may increase over time but im gonna start with baby steps and work from there...so every sunday i will have some deep thoughts for you...whoever you are

and then the casual tumblr guy can just be my little spontaneous whatever friend....welp
crap tomorrow is sunday...no tomorrow is saturday....so 2 days i have

good

ill talk to you kids in 2 days then
good day

oh yea guess you might want the link...HERE it is :)

all sorts of directional awkwardness

i wish the music in starbucks wasn't so loud

although then it would just be silent and everyone could hear each others conversations

what i should probably say instead is, i feel like the volume of music right now isn't conducive to a 23 year old college student with as much add as any person probably has writing a blog

life would be better (easier maybe) if we would just say what we mean right?

we have taken the art of awareness and consideration for other people's feelings, which is in its purest form good, and morphed it into an excuse to lie

i dont mean that harshly, its just something i guess ive observed

i'm not saying we should all go around being cruel and hurtful to people and labeling it as honest either
because i think that happens too

we think if we preface or add as an afterthought to something the phrase "i'm just being honest" that it's ok to say whatever we want and then walk away feeling little or no responsibility for the effects of our words on another human being being

these are 2 extremes that occur in our lives everyday and neither of them are ok

we of course recognize their unacceptability when they occur too us, but we don't usually care if we are the ones that are participants

it blows my mind that, to the best of my figuring ability, i feel like i got preached to until about the 5th or 6th grade about honesty being the best policy and then 7th grade came and honesty got traded for tell the truth as long as it isnt offensive to other people and if you are mad at someone then tell them everything you feel even if you know it isn't really true and then label it honesty...because nobody will attack you if you say youre just being honest or 'real' about how you feel, its a perfect cover


at chick fil a we are encouraged to "gauge a guest" when they come in on their mood to see how much enthusiasm/small talk/connection is appropriate at that moment because we recognize that in certain situations on any given day, at any given moment, what one person should be able to/is capable of handling/engaging in is not the same as any other guest necessarily
real word terms would probably include tact for this particular practice

its important to be conscious of people and what is going on in their lives and realize that there are times when compassion and empathy for their load makes us refrain from any urgency for truth
because truth will still be truth a week from now
and if its really that urgent that we have to let them know how we feel right this second than we should remember that 99% of the times the more rasher the thought the less realistic it is

giving into rash thoughts are satan's easiest and sometimes biggest victories with us, because we sense such urgency we fail to think through what we are doing/feeling/saying....

on the same token however we dont need to allow the sympathy for burdens to become our excuse for not speaking REAL truth to people

Jesus didn't refrain from being honest with people about things but when He was getting peter out of the water because he had taken his eyes off of Him, Jesus saw that what peter needed was not Him saying "you moron, i knew this was going to happen, don't you see how great i am and how puny you are and how you need to have better faith" no, instead He immediately reaches out and grabs peter, then gently speaks what peter already knows...and then goes into the boat with His friend

Jesus sees that what is urgent right now is to help peter by reaching out, and THEN speaking, with love and compassion, what peter needs.

balance is hard
there is no instruction manual on the 12 steps to knowing what someone needs and when they need it because every person is a book themselves

the best way to become better at reading people though, is to know the Author of the books themselves

much like when you hang out with someone for so long you start picking up their habits and tendencies, if you hang out with Jesus, you, bit by bit, become like Him, He develops your heart to be similar to His

"Whoever Abides In Me, I, Too, Will Abide In him"

if we pursue the Lord, He will draw near to us and remain in us, we will become more like Him and less like us

and if we become like Him, and He was perfect at balancing not only this concept but every other one, then eventually, we will be good at it too...not perfect, but better than we are now

and thats the point right?
we know if we are good at this life thing if we are better at the end of the day then the beginning right?
because since there has never been another person like us, we cant judge our success at life by anyone else, so the only way to judge it is to say that we have learned at the end of the day from our successes AND failures and have moved forward accordingly

Praise God

Just Keep Going
you're doing it
Just DONT STOP
Get Movin, kid.

i'll take a sandwich...and some freedom please

well well well, a saturday night post? 
what a rare occurrence 




but when you gotta write you gotta write...right? (see what i did there? yep.)




i should be really honest right now and tell you that patriotic stuff, it isnt really my thing


ya know, i guess in my mind its hard to wrap my mind around all that days like july 4th represent, and im sure if i was a citizen of the new colony and had just come out from under the queens reign 3 or 4 years ago, id feel differently, and im sure that if i had not always had things like independence and all that jazz id be more appreciative, im sure this is really just a taking for granted thing on my part...i have no one to blame but myself really...i dont have a problem with any of it, im just sayin if a school were to have a most patriotic superlative...i wouldnt be anywhere near the running


all that to help you understand the oddity of the fact that today i was talking about freedom




little ms loves her country but not real patriotic was thinking about freedom?
yep
sure was


and i have no idea why




i am most certainly not the first person to ever come up with the idea that freedom is ironic because there is nothing about it thats free


but mostly i see this pertaining to the good ole u.s. of a.


PAUSE THAT THOUGHT
everywhere i have gone recently i see the same creepy people from my school...like 4 of them...not as in the 4 of them in a group...i mean the 4 of them very separately just all at the same places i am...at the same time...does this mean i am part of the creepy group that isnt really a group but in an unexplainable way is a group group?...this is a sort of sad but not so unexpected revelation...oh well, i digress...


OK YOU CAN UNPAUSE THE THOUGHT NOW


so i havent really ever compared and contrasted the meaning of freedom in the context of the Lord and i versus ya know, the country i live in


i have just sort of taken the word freedom in pertaining to my faith and just let it be sort of nice and refreshing but not much more than that...


but this afternoon it occurred to me that not only is freedom not free it only comes after a very intense battle


and not only does it come after an intense battle, it is something that has to be continually fought for and defended against any number of strategies, weapons, and enemies


it is a war actually
not a battle
that brings freedom


in fact
it is a war
not a battle
that brings anything worth fighting for




but we are not the ones fighting
we think we are because we're dumb
but we arent
the Lord and the enemy are in this war over our souls
over our attention
over our beings
over everything we are, have, and will choose to be


kate what happened to the battle you are fighting has already been won?


Chist won the battle for our hearts...absolutely
but our worship, our adoration, our desires
there is this constant war being waged not for our initial freedom, bought at a price on the Cross, no...youre right not for the freedom itself but for what we choose to do with it


how do i know that?
welp, if im gonna go fight for something, its gonna be because it has worth to me, it means something to me, it helps me in some way, it matters, it has value 
and call me crazy but i feel like probably Christ and the devil feel the same


which means that if all we were called to do was to come to earth and get saved...then after that, wouldnt we lose our worth to satan? wouldnt he have no choice but to concede the loss? call it a day? go after something else...someONE else? if there was only one purpose for us here, then after that one purpose was accomplished...wouldnt his white flag on us go up? hed have no choice...bc thatd be the ballgame


dont read that as me saying you can lose your salvation...but people im talkin about purpose...im talkin about meaning...im talkin about God saying HEY ITS NOT ENOUGH TO JUST BELIEVE...I WANT MORE FOR AND FROM YOU THAN THAT...I WANT EVERYTHING...NOT JUST YOUR BELIEF...I WANT YOUR LIFE...AND I WONT GO DOWN WITHOUT A FIGHT






we clearly still have worth or the Creator wouldnt be constantly fighting for our attention with the most wicked being ever to live...actually we clearly have worth to satan too...which means to me that he knows that if he loses me to the Good Side that its a devastating loss, and think what you will but that makes me feel pretty solid about my standing in the Lords eyes...it feels pretty fantastic to be looked at from the Winning side AND the losing side as a valuable player...




so our freedom is not free
but our Freer says this war over you and over me is one worth fighting...and its one worth giving His most prized weapon for...His ONLY son


it is a bloody war
one not devoid of casualties
there are wounded soldiers
there are strategies that fail
there are plans that go a ry
there are captors taken
there are choices made and consequences that follow
there are sacrifices made that go unanswered
there are, unfortunately, battles that are lost...


but God says HEY, keep your head up...he may have won that battle, but I WILL WIN THIS WAR




you are not just worth the rescue
you are worth the redemption
you are worth the restoration
you are worth the reformation
the recreation, resolution, the reaction, the rebuilding


you are worth doing it all the first time
but you are worth so much, that I am compelled to do it again
you are worth so much that I am so ok adding 're' to my vocabulary concerning you


freedom doesnt just happen
and it doesnt just stay that way once it has
it has to be fought for
it has to be sacrificed for
it has to come at cost
it does come at a cost
a cost He is willing to pay because you are priceless
so go live in some freedom
and leave the fight Your Father
cause freedom isnt freedom cause its free, freedom is freedom because you are....


youre free
go live like it

okay, so who am i?

i dont remember how long ago, but a couple of years ago, i guess right at 2 actually i sat in milledgeville, ga and did something strange

kate mardis did something strange?
please try to contain your shocked face


i started writing who i was
what?
i dont remember why exactly, i guess i just wanted some sort of firmer answer to the question who are you? tell me about yourself.....
because surprisingly i get that question a lot
and beyond the factual things like, female, caucasian, 23, southern....the rest is sort of up in the air for debate unless i have some sort of defense and knowledge about it

so i just started writing and it ended up being 8 pages...some of it stuff i was proud of, some not so much...but there it was...8 pages of phrases made up of anywhere from 1-7 or 8 words describing me...and i havent looked at that list in a while, a year ago i guess was the last time...so what im gonna do is accept the fact that ive changed a little since 2 years ago and sort of make a list on here, and then ill be able to compare them maybe...because sometimes, its fun to see your growth...and sometimes its not fun....but either way, its a really good thing to do

ya know, to be honest with yourself and the Lord
and in my case, all of the internet who ventures into my little cave of thoughts
so here we go i guess:

i never feel more comfortable than when im in my chucks and a pair of jeans, hilarious is no longer a term that i find a big compliment in...its more just sort of a phrase i accept as factual yet cliche, even if well intentioned, and move on, unapologetically passionate, people watcher, so creative, i'm awesome at coming up with ideas...not so swell with follow through-but i am beginning to realize this just means i am a big picture person and not a details person, its rare that i go to a public place alone and dont end up having a conversation with someone, ive met all kinds of people with all kinds of stories and its honestly one of my favorite qualities about me

when i talk about the Lord it sounds more like im talking about my best friend...actually i guess i am

i will never get tired of kids, or what they teach me
God allows me a privilege and responsibility of seeing things very very very differently than other people
owning a mac makes me feel cooler, i wont lie
the more i like Jesus the harder it is for me to find motivation to live and work towards the future, bc i just like today and what it brings mostly
God has made me brave
i get irritated with immaturity and irresponsibility very quickly
excuses wont get you anywhere with me
i have a heart to help lots of people
it bothers me when people arent understanding with other people
compassion matters
worship happens a lot, and very rarely in church for me
i cant imagine doing anything other than marketing
i love life, and living, and breathing, and creating, and discovering, and learning, and talking, and listening, and being, and helping, and following, and leading, and believing, and understanding, and accomplishing, and wondering, and dreaming, and questioning, and looking, and seeing, and just existing
i will always make the decision that i believe i can defend and stand on, not the decision that everyone around me thinks is best....because if one day i look back and see that the only thing ive got left to stand on are the choices ive made, than i at least want to be comfortable in their solidness
if anyone ever figures out how to read my mind besides Jesus, they will probably be very confused
you wont understand this maybe, but if i look at an object for a second or so, then most of the time i can tell you what it would look like if it were animated
i'm pretty sure im going to write a book one day
i am a lot more comfortable being alone then most of the rest of the world i think
i want to be rich one day because i want to give everything i have away but i realized the other day that i probably wont ever be rich because i already give almost everything i have away and i am so beyond ok with that, you have no idea
a month ago i had taken out a little extra on a student loan so i could buy a mac but someone made me feel bad about doing that so i didnt even though i had wanted one for a long time, so then on my birthday the school called and said they had messed up my paperwork and charged me too much so id be getting my 2nd refund of the semester, the amount of the refund was exactly the amount of my mac...so i didnt turn down the 2nd chance and you WILL NOT convince me that it was anything other than God Himself intervening on my behalf, and no i am not joking

people fascinate me
i think it should be criminal to talk down people and their dreams just because your life is miserable
i believe with everything i am that if we started living as though God is everything we say He is in our churches on sundays this world would be so so so so so much different
someone told me when i was little God was going to use me for BIG CRAZY things and i was just silly enough that i still believe they were right
i have a football player that likes me
i am a jerk to him
and he still likes me
and it makes me laugh
and confuses me
there is even some sort of possibility that he might read this
which also sort of makes me laugh
i guess i should define what i mean by like
he ends up showing up places i am a lot
and then sits down and talks to me/distracts me until he decides to go find someone who will be nice to him
which is rarely me
anyway
i wanna move to australia one day
i have trouble knowing whether to use affect or effect and it bothers me
but not enough to do anything about it
a goo goo dolls song just came on, ive got a coffee in my hand, the bible beside me, and probably a friend to talk to not far from showing up, all that adds up to this moment being as perfect as i could ask for...so on that note, i leave you with this:

if you dont know who you are
figure it out
write it down
talk it out
learn it
feel it
think about it
after you figure it out, love it
love it with all youve got
even the crappy stuff
why?
because right now, this is where you are
this is where the Lord has you
its where He is choosing to use you, and love you, and grow you, and meet you
be proud of who God has made you, even if everyone else calls it weird
fall in love with the pieces God has made your puzzle out of
jump into it with both feet and dont look back and dont apologize
be who you are
its too hard and life is too short to be anything but yourself
and besides you spend all this time trying to fool everyone and sooner or later the truth comes out anyway
so why waste those moments pretending
there are bigger dragons to fight
so go fight em
and stop worrying about why your armor doesnt look like everyone elses
it might be because its meant to fight a different dragon
you wont know till you try
go live your life with some gusto
and for the Lord's sake, give it all youve got, you owe it to Him

Passionately Passionate

i realize there are a lot of things in life that arent fair, but i wanna just vent about something that has been annoying me lately because of how unfair it feels


all my life i was encouraged to be 100% about things, i was encouraged to not just give 50% or even 80% of myself to something, that if i was going to throw myself into something i either needed to do it to the best of my ability and do it big or dont bother at all


ok thats great


me putting myself all in to whatever i do has generated a very passionate human being


i dont do much but its because whatever i do, i do it all, i do it well, and i do my best
i become borderline obsessed with things
i find out all i can about stuff
i give everything ive got to stuff
i talk about it a lot
i work hard for it
i sacrifice for it
i dive in head first and i dont look back and for the most part i dont regret it
sometimes the "it" is a friendship, sometimes its an organization, sometimes its a school project (ok its very very rarely a school project) but you get the idea...


i am willing to make the claim at this point that i am one of the most passionate human beings you may ever meet, and if you think thats being cocky i will just say that you have probably never heard me talk about chick-fil-a, my friends, Jesus, marketing, golf...i could go on but i wont


growing up, i was told that passion was the difference in good and great
passion was the line in the sand between maybe and absolutely
passion was something to be strived for
passion was something not just everyone could be
passion was a rare and wonderful quality
passion was a good thing




and to a point i still get told some sort of combination of the above statements




passion is the reason that even though, at the moment, i am only a team leader for cfa, i can tell you the entire chick fil a story of how we started as a company, i can tell you all the key players, i can tell you the nutritional information of about 90% of our menu, i can tell you key sales figures from the past 10 years of our corporation, i can tell you new products/services being developed under the cfa brand, i can tell you exactly where we stand as a unit in respect to the rest of the chain in the drive thru reports on any given day, i can tell you not just most of what we do but why we do it, how we do it, when it started, and where wed like to see it go, i can leave your head spinning with so much cfa information you could convince someone that you worked for us....


i gotta tell you, if you think you could walk into any other cfa and expect another team leader or member to know that stuff for no other reason then their love of all things cfa...you have another thing comin


all that to say that lately ive found myself more and more having to defend why i am passionate about things
people making fun of my passion




im old enough to know that not everyone is going to like, or understand, or agree with, or appreciate everything i do or am but when exactly did it become wrong to be passionate about the life you live?


why is it wrong to feel strongly about something?
why am i having to defend my enthusiasm?
why is it ok to hurt someone with words because they love what they do, who they get to be, and who they get to be around?
when did it become acceptable to tear down someone for diving in when the rest of the world is just wading?




thats junk




i am not the smartest person you will ever know
i dont have the most creative ideas
i am funny a lot of times, but i certainly have joke fails quite often
i will never be an olympic athlete
i talk a lot
i dont listen very well
its hard to focus on things
i procrastinate like my life depends on it
i have a problem with not thinking things all the way through
i dont have a lot of friends
and i've been told i should smile more often




but dang it ive got passion
ive got enthusiasm
whatever i do, i do my best to do it well
i am dedicated
i work hard for things i believe in, it just turns out that i dont believe in very many things


and who said i had to?
maybe its better to just have a few things and do those with all your heart, and rock those out
that, btw, is what chick fil a's theory is about our menu...its why while everyone else is expanding their menu with lots and lots of choices we stick to what we have always had and just keep making that the best it can be...and i probably dont have to tell you who is winning the war both  economically and with brand image






so im done apologizing for passion
Jesus was passionate
He was passionate about people
and all the "stuff" i end up being passionate about are because i see a great way to appreciate and be passionate about people through them


im done saying im sorry that i get really excited about what i do
about who i am
im done saying please forgive me for giving you everything i have
im done with i apologize that the way i can serve you, respect you, and honor you best is to do my best for and with you


its ok if you arent passionate
i understand that not everyone is me
thank God for that
i understand that there is a beauty to the diversity of Gods creation
i appreciate that passion doesnt have to be your forte
i accept that i dont have to understand everyone not being as enthusiastic about stuff as i am


but just because you dont get so excited you could burst over things like marketing, great customer service, chick fil a, friends, God's goodness, laughter and every other thing i get so excited about doesnt mean that you get to question the validity or acceptability of the twinkle i have in my eye




if you think im just some silly 23 year old who is "just being kate" then i respectfully tell you youre wrong, i respectfully tell you that whether you are 60 or 16, whether you have been through hell all your life or havent ever had a bad day, whether you are my best friend or you have never met me, there is nothing that gives you the right to do what you can to extinguish someone else's flame, mine or otherwise....NOTHING


God gives me excitement
He made it
He made me too
and i think if God loves that about me then you need to step off and realize you dont have a right to not love it too




sorry that this isn't the typical post for me
but people hurt sometimes
i hurt sometimes
and sometimes you let it go
but sometimes i think its ok to stand up and say, i hear what youre saying, but youre wrong 

scarier than the scariest stuff i know about...

*EDIT*
ok so i wrote a whole beginning to this post and then hit publish and the whole first half was gone so im just gonna roll with it and tell you that what you are coming into the middle of is a conversation between the Lord and i about whether i should or shouldnt/do or do not have the ability to write a book...and then hopefully thats enough to get you on your way with this post...if i realize otherwise...ill edit more later..oh all the capital letters are God...fyi






YOU CAN ALLOW ME TO SHOW YOU I AM WHO I SAY I AM

YOU CAN WATCH ME USE YOUR ORDINARY TO SHOW MY EXTRAORDINARY

YOU CAN TRUST ME TO LEAD YOU ALWAYS

YOU CAN REMEMBER THAT I AM THE GOD THAT PARTED SEAS, RAINED FOOD DOWN FROM HEAVEN, TALKED THROUGH A BUSH, CONQUERED DEATH, CREATED, PURSUED, RESCUED, REDEEMED, AND FREED MANKIND OUT OF NOTHING BUT LOVE

I AM MOSES YAHWEH AND KATE MARDIS, I AM YOUR GOD TOO

of course my response has been
yea but God, i'm really scared

OF WHAT?

what happens if i fail?

YOU DONT THINK IM BIG ENOUGH TO SAVE YOU?

of course i do, i just...god...you just dont understand...im pretty weird...i screw stuff up all the time...

WHAT ARE YOU REALLY SCARED OF

i guess i am scared that everything i have ever believed about myself might actually turn out to be true

SO WHAT IF IT IS?

that could screw stuff up

I AM MORE CAPABLE THAN YOU CAN EVER IMAGINE
I LOVE YOU MORE THAN YOU COULD EVER DREAM IN YOUR BIGGEST DREAMS
I DIDNT JUST CREATE BOOKS, I CREATED WORDS, AND LETTERS, AND LANGUAGES, AND PEOPLE TO SPEAK THOSE LANGUAGES...HECK I EVEN CREATED TIME SO THEY COULD USE IT TO READ THE BOOKS

I RAISE THE DEAD, AND THEN I GIVE THEM NEW LIFE
I RESCUE NATIONS
I COMFORT THE BROKEN
I FEED THE HUNGRY
I LOVE THE UNLOVELY
I FREE THE PRISONERS
I HEAR THE MUTE
I GIVE THE BLIND SIGHT
I PROTECT THE VULNERABLE
I HEAL THE HURTING
I SPEAK FOR THOSE WITH NO VOICE
I PAVE PATHS WHERE THEY WERE NEVER SUPPOSED TO BE
I BREAK THE UNBREAKABLE AND MEND THE UNMENDABLE
I CREATE AWESOME THINGS OUT OF NOTHING

AND YOU THINK I CANT HANDLE YOU WRITING A BOOK?

SERIOUSLY KATE?



well gee god...when you put it like that

YEA
THATS MY POINT

NOTHING HAS EVER SURPRISED ME
IVE GOT THIS
IVE GOT YOU
I WANT TO SHOW YOU HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU
I WANT TO SHOW YOU THAT WITH ME, YOU CAN WALK ON WATER
BUT KATE
YOU GOTTA GET OUT OF THAT BOAT



so here i go
im getting out
this may very well end up being more or different or something completely than what i think it might be now when its all said and done
but i dont want to die and have to explain to the Lord that i never got out of the boat because i wasn't sure if he could handle my ocean

i dont want to be 70 years old and realize that ive talked a lot of talk about letting God show up and show out...but never really got to see it myself

i dont want to be in the boat with mediocrity
i want to be on the water with Mind Blowing

and so here is your part:
yea dont play like youre surprised you have a role here
i may not know you at all or we might be related by blood...but i dont care about that
you still have a role

i of course need your prayer
and i do mean need

i have a million reasons that tell me why this is silly
why it wont work
why im no different than any other writer
why im TOO different from every other writer
why im not smart enough
creative enough
*fill in the blank* enough


so i also need your encouragement
i need you tell me that youre in my corner
i need you to let me know that no matter what, youre on my team
i need you to not assume that i already know all that and it would be awkward for you to tell me so youll just assume everyone else (all 14 of you) will say it
i need you to not let this go
i need you to help push me out of this boat a little, because we all know that writing a blog about writing a book is way way way different than actually writing a book
if you have a neighbor down the street that needs to read weird things too...theres a reason i have the share link button on the end of each blog...post it to your facebook...tweet about it...tell your mom about it...sing a little song about it...

i cant do this alone
I CANT DO THIS ALONE
I CANT DO THIS ALONE
I CANT DO THIS ALONE

got it yet?


i need you in every way you want to help
i mean that


pray about this
pray about your role in this
pray about my journey with this

im excited
im nervous
im nervously excited
im happy about it
im glad youre gonna be here too
for real
if you read this, im grateful for you
im ready to get this party started
so what do you think...are you in?

A defining moment...

i should probably not be allowed to write things at 3 am.
starbucks shouldnt be allowed to charge 5.50 for a cup of hot water and beans crushed and mixed together either.
what is and what should be arent the same thing though, so here i sit at 2:47 am just typing my life away




sometimes my whoa, Jesus moments come from conversations im having where literally the Lord will, in the easiest/only way i know to describe it, pour words into me and have me say them or type them and i will do it very much thinking that they are my words and as soon as i say/type it i will look at it and go. whoa. that was way way way NOT me...i am so not that good


and this may very well sound prideful and crazy to you
and it might be
you know, the whole God uses me to speak to me thing...
but im really prideful sometimes and so whatever, if God is ok with it, im down too.


well this happened twice tonight


first occurance: wisdom for me is what God uses to fill the gap between what i thought would be and what actually is...so probably the bigger the gap between how you thought your life was going to go and how its actually gone, the more wisdom youve got




second occurance: of course we are scared, because losing our lives, you know dying to ourselves so we gain His, its painful...it hurts deep, and we know its going to hurt deep and we are taught to fear pain, so here we are afraid of the pain of losing our lives so that we might Live but thats where faith comes in the picture, faith jumps in and goes yo jesus, im going to come out on the water to be with you IN SPITE of being afraid not IN PLACE of it


i dont even know what the end result of this post is going towards but im just gonna put down some thoughts and...eh...it probably doesnt matter, youre asleep anyway


the past little while i have spent looking up definitions of feeling versus being
why?
well because quite frankly i dont know what to do with the fact that God tells peter in matthew 14:22-36 to not be afraid
but im afraid, basically all them time, of something...and if im not afraid of that then i start being afraid of something else
and i dont know how to not be afraid of stuff that is scary
here is what i have figured out
to be is defined as to be possessed by a state or percieved reality
to feel is simply to be affected by or aware of


and its interesting isnt it that the Lord doesnt say here, dont feel afraid, dont be affected by something that is human nature, dont be aware that im asking you to do something that you dont understand the logistics of
instead he says dont be possessed by fear, dont allow YOUR PERCEPTION of the way things are, your understanding of how things go, your ideas of what is probably going to occur, yea that...dont be owned by that...dont allow that to control you


and he follows it up with an instruction to have courage...well of course i went and looked up what have meant and its defined as being in possession of, to be identified or distinguished by
so he says pete...my man...dude, dont you let fear control you here, instead take possession of so that you may be identified and distinguished by courage


the thing that sticks out to me is the whole percieved reality thing followed by being distinguished and identified by thing


how many flipping times does Jesus call me to get out on some water with Him and because my perceived reality (which is defined by: the understanding of what is real based usually on previous facts or events) i go nah, thanks but no thanks...ill stick with stayin in the boat, but at least im on the water right?


HECK NO ITS NOT RIGHT


God wants to show me how cool He is, how His reality trumps my perception, how He isnt confined to the way things used to be, or how they should be, or how they usually end up, He wants to show me how with Him, all things are possible, even freaking walking on freaking water during a freaking storm is possible, He wants to show me how with Him the only thing that is impossible...is impossible.


it might be because its 4 am...ill know when i read this again tomorrow, but im pretty sure that last sentence is the third occurrence tonight of the God talking to me through me stuff...but im just not sure right now


and the first thing He tells me to do in order to walk on that water is to have courage
dont worry i looked courage up too
it said to be brave
so i looked that up too
to defy, challenge, or dare....the quality that enables a person to face a situation full of difficulty and danger without fear


so i think this is what is true with these 2 pairs of words....being afraid vs having courage
fear=more to do with emotions, less to do with character
courage=more to do with character, less to do with emotions


emotions change from one second to the next, character doesnt


Don't be afraid. Have courage, I AM here.


dont let that fearful emotion be what controls you, dont live in that percieved reality because of what you think you know
instead, have the quality, possess, own, be identified and distinguished by the quality that allows you to defy, challenge, and dare a situation full of difficulty and danger
and then this one last thing...its the biggest, and i almost missed it, im glad God didnt let me


in 3 words, He says how, why, and in what way peter can have that brave trait that allows him to defy, challenge, and dare a very unnerving, abnormal, completely uncomfortable, confusing situation...I. AM. HERE.


Jesus is Here. Jesus is There. Jesus is Way Over There. and Right Behind Here. He is Present so that you might be in control of a quality to defy your reality. 


i dont care what your mom said will happen if you try that
i dont care what your best friend said will happen if you go after that
i dont care what your dad said he would bet his life on would happen if you went there
it doesnt matter to me what you have seen a million times before
it doesnt matter what the odds stacked against you are
i dont care what society says
my God made the odds so He sure as heck can change them whenever He wants
my God isn't confined to the box of "whats possible" that everybody and their brother around you swears by
my God doesnt work on time tables, He created time
my God doesnt move based on whats happened every time before
my God thrives on taking impossible completely out of the equation


so stop making excuses
stop being ruled by your emotion
stop taking every fact about your past into account
stop letting the "yeah but what if" game beat you every time
stop looking at every reason you shouldnt, cant, and wont be able to and start lifting your eyes to The Giver of Life...The One Calling You to Himself






at some point you decided it was ok to allow fear to write your story
but eventually, you reach a moment and realize that all fear is doing is writing a book full of four letter words
give the pen back to The Best Author around
start living a much better story
and probably for your sake, dont dwell on all those four letter words

striving to be a loser

i should be studying right now
but these thoughts have been stirring in my head for days 
and well...theyre going a little stir crazy
plus i studied econ for a total of almost 8 hours yesterday, and well...i think i should get a little break


i have a gift 


its a gift that nobody wants, but man...ive got it


i have a gift for losing things
i dont mean that every couple of days i misplace my keys for a few minutes(which i do, but its more like everyday for at least 15 minutes...at least once)
i mean...like 2 years ago i lost so many debit cards in such a short amount of time (9 in 7 months....yes you read that correctly, no it isnt an exaggeration) that they knew me personally at the bank and had memorized my address to send it to....i was so embarassed the 10th time that i stopped banking all together and decided to only use cash


well i dont know why i thought that if i lost bank cards all the time that i for some reason wouldnt lose cash...that was dumb. my final solution? i started banking somewhere else
yep. i was so embarassed that i just decided to forgo bank a and begin banking at bank b...


clearly i rock at losing things


and i suppose that since i rock at this it would be easy to understand Christ's command to lose my life so that i might find it


but ive never understood that..it doesnt make any sense at all
its gibberish
and foregn
and in trying to grow in my faith journey and thinking about everything ive been consistently taught over the years, the combinations of all those teachings have previously arrived me at this conclusion:


so im supposed to live my life like Jesus, but lose my life, but find Jesus' life, but find my life while finding Jesus' life, but die to myself, but live for Jesus, but live for others...but live for Jesus first, and then others...but not really others...just kind of


and there have been few if any notions of how one might do this
so you can probably see my confusion right?


well im pretty pumped because the Lord has finally given some clarity...and no worries, i will now share said clarity with you


ready? lets go. 
so i would assume that the 4 of you reading this have all lost something at some point
losing stuff sucks
its frustrating
annoying
hard
painful sometimes (depending on the item lost)
and its incredibly inconvenient


and since God says He is THE WAY, THE TRUTH, AND THE LIFE
this to me would indicate to me that we are only allowed to have one life, and we can either have ours...or we can have His...but in the end...one is all we get


and we all lose stuff at different times, and the stuff we lose is very different, and the consequences of the loss vary greatly as well...but i am willing to make the claim here that one thing is for sure about almost every loss ever experienced and that is: the one time youre trying to lose something is going to be the one time you dont lose it...


so if God said, ok guys im gonna give you a life to start off with but as soon as you lose it ill give you a way way way better one...and then didnt give us some sort of "distraction" or other focus we would all still be focused on losing our lives and wed be focused on us and we would never get anywhere


so instead He gives us Another Life to focus on pursuing and being like and then in the process of trying to find Jesus' life we begin to lose our own...
and thats why at points this journey is frustrating...
because it isnt that we dont know or arent losing our own lives
its quite the opposite
we completely realize whats going on...and we choose to focus on all that we are losing because of it
we get upset that we cant seek revenge anymore
we realize that gossip shouldnt seep from our lips anymore
we realize that we have to pray for our enemies now
we realize that we have to treat people the way we want to be treated now
we realize that Love is wrecking our lives


what we also fail to realize is that what we are finding is WAY WAY WAY better
what we fail to realize is that peace overwhelms the place that revenge once was
what we fail to realize is that kindness spews where gossip once lingered
what we fail to realize is that the Lord has control over our enemies as well
what we fail to realize is that we are being treated by others the way we are treating them
what we fail to realize is that Love has wrecked our lives


what we fail to realize is that we have lost our lives to find The Life


today i choose to be a life wrecked by Love because it is no longer i who lives but CHRIST IN ME

Jesus lets me wear my blue converse's

you wanna know something?

i skipped old testament today, and dang it. it was on purpose

its not because my ot class is boring
im actually learning alot in it
i truly love the class, so far
which is quite the statement if you had any idea about what my feelings about taking the class were before the semester started

i skipped it because i was tired

i spent about 6 hours last night praying/worshiping

if you are sitting there thinking wow, someone is suzy spiritual, looks like she earned some jesus points
please stop

thats not true

if anything id say it was only a start at making up for the worship time ive lacked the last couple of months
but jesus doesnt work on a points system of make ups/losses/profits so looks like im ok

last night was a culmination of the last few weeks of learning i guess
i went to seacoast for first wednesday which is a service the first wednesday of every month that is basically 90% praise/worship music and 10% message...kind of a do as you feel led to type thing
and goodness gracious, worship was just...phenomenal

i felt so still, so quieted
so....there.
i just was.
it felt like i didnt have to do anything.
i was literally getting an overwhelming amount of joy from doing nothing.
just thinking and singing about how awesome God was...how awesome He IS.

i could go on, but words dont do it justice. so i wont try.

i will just say that next time youre standing in a worship service setting and you "arent feelin it" just think about those words that youre singing...like how powerful they are, and the implications they have

for example

the ENEMY has been DEFEATED
DEATH COULDNT HOLD YOU DOWN

were gonna lift our voice in VICTORY
were gonna make our praises LOUD

dude. death couldnt hold you down
wow.
wow. wow. wow.
if that doesnt give you chills, you need a heart check
fo real.


read those words slowly (the lyrics, not the heart check thing :)
feel them in your soul
drench yourself in their power
clothe yourself in its Truth


whoa.
Gods so super.


ok so anyway,
after i left the church, i drove to school with the intent of studying accounting

now what im about to say you may be tempted to respond with well of course thats how it went kate, you were gonna be studying accounting...anything is better than that...but i will go ahead and tell you that for most people that would be true, but im actually really enjoying accounting...mostly because its pretty easy for me, which might be a first


so

went into the library, sat down, got out my books
then God told me He wasnt done
huh?
ok actually im not sure if God said that or not, but it felt like He wasnt...so i decided to go walk around
this walk led me to the reflection pond
where i sat and prayed for about 3 more hours

i wish there was another phrase than prayed...bc it was more like, an active conversation with the Lord
i told Him everything
He already knew it, but thats not the point
it wasnt about telling Him something He didnt know, it was about feeling like He wanted to hear it all anyway
i told Him some stuff He was teaching me (please read that sentence again, i just did, and i chuckled...bc its funny)
i told Him some funny things i saw yesterday
i talked to Him about ducks, and rocks
i told Him some dreams, some really BIG dreams
i listened
i was quiet
i cried
i smiled
i closed my eyes and breathed in fresh air, wet, cold, fresh, beautiful air
it was perfect.

and then i called sarah junco to tell her about it, and i woke her up, and felt bad, and then told her about it, and then cried, and then didnt feel as bad about it, but still kind of bad...but she loves me so shell be ok

see i live in this world of planning, and looking ahead, and next, and the future, and what will be, rather than what is


we are human BEings, not human DOings, or even human PLANFORTOMORROWings...
He calls us to His presence for DAILY bread, not sunday and wednesday bread, not whenever you can make time bread, not whenever you are in distress bread...

the Lord calls us to Him...DAILY DAILY DAILY


now im certainly not a chronic planner by any means, but as a 20 something who "SHOULD BE" on the way to a career choice, marriage, kids, and whatever else someone decides to add to the list it is kind of ingrained in my soul right now to constantly be thinking about whatever is next...

but thats sucky

and stupid

and im not sorry for saying either one of those

im not guaranteed tomorrow, but im not guaranteed 10 minutes from now either
and if i want to live a story that is worth reading than i probably need to be willing to give the Author a few extra pages

ha.
dang.
that was good.


so ive got some accounting and micro econ to do, but as soon as i submit this im gonna go have another date with God (yea i said it...and if youre rolling your eyes, you probably need to go have a few dates of your own pal) and my camera is coming along...and if i have to stay up all night to do the school stuff, then thats fine...bc the Lord will give me the strength i need for tomorrow, if i make it to then

im done giving my Sweet Savior the crumbs of this life that doesnt even belong to me in the first place
He deserves the best of the measly offering i have, and in these moments, the best is what i choose to give

grace and love friends....grace. and. love.

tacky trailers and nicholas sparks

whoa


its been a while huh?!


well first off if you saw my tweet from last night...know that today has seen great improvement
if you missed the tweet...it said: "i dont matter"...sometimes you just have moments where you need to know youre loved and people care about you, yes of course the Lord cares and i know that but He made us relational for a reason...He made us to need each other...and last night i was pretty lonely...but as usual God has answered pleas and cries today and has exceeded expectation in far different and im sure much better ways than i could have imagined




ok so heres my lightbulb/God winking at me/spiritual KABOOM moment of the day...which consists of 2 mini stories and then a comparison/contrasting entree


k?


cool.


so mini story 1:
i remember years ago my dad using a sermon illustration about when he was little being taken on a driving tour of houses decorated with christmas lights and seeing one that was just apparently magical...it had all the most beautiful lights and wonderful decorations you could imagine, quite breathtaking from his description...it was apparently far more fantastic and memorable then any other house he saw and for days and days afterward it was all he talked about


i guess in the interest of silencing his excitement/consistent goings on about this particular casa one of his family members made him get in the car one day and drove him back to the same house except that it was in the daylight...


to his young minds surprise and quite understandable dismay when he arrived, all he found was a trailer with a ton of tacky sights around it that was about as far from beautiful as you can get...im sure you have experienced this unpleasant and disappointing display at some point or another in your lifetime




 mini story 2:
i have started going to seacoast church in mt pleasant and am really enjoying it/stoked for what im learning there
i live in an apartment in north charleston though so getting there involves a 20 minute drive over 2 bridges...driving to any place enough times i feel like eventually gets old and redundant and you start to take what youre seeing on the way to your destination for granted...i hope so much that this isnt the case with the drive to mt p. 
why? 
oh glad you asked...
because for most of the drive if you look on either side of the bridges (but not for too long, ya know, since youre driving) you feel like you are driving straight into either a lowcountry postcard or a nicholas sparks movie...and lets face it, either ones a win


seriously its the most beautiful green marshland with the perfect amount of picturesque trees, docks, and boats, words dont do it justice...but if you ever see it/have seen it...you know what i mean


since ive been going to this church for about 6 weeks, ive driven by the view in light, dark, fog, sunshine, rain, lightning, wind, morning, night...you know what im sayin?
ive also seen the view from the bottom of the bridge and ive seen it from the top
ive seen it when the waterway is crowded and ive seen it when there isnt a soul to be had other than the turtles and the gators (not that turtles and gators do or do not have souls, lets not get sidetracked guys)
and ya know what?
that view is just plain gorgeous...


it doesnt matter what time of day, or what the traffic is, or how many people are in the water, or what the weather is...


its just beautiful.
always.


entree:
so what kate?!


heres what-
as i was driving home from the service tonight (yep they have a service on sunday nights...not an additional service...the same one they do on sunday mornings....so what up sleepin late on sundays and still hanging out with Jesus?!?!?! heyyyyyy)


anyway-it was basically monsooning the whole drive too and from the service but as i crossed back over the bridge and looked down the view caught my eye and left me breathless and then i started thinking about how amazing it was that something could be beautiful and lovely no matter the temporary circumstances around it...it blew my mind that there could be in existence on this earth something that is beautiful. always. no matter what. 


then story number 1 came to me and i started wondering what the difference was...why some things can be beautiful sometimes and other things are lovely all the time
heres the answer i came up with:
the christmas trailer wasnt beautiful.
i can say that having never seen it with full confidence.
it may have been surrounded with lovely things.
it may have possessed some beauty.
but the trailer when certain circumstances, when the light was exposed to it, showed what it truly was...just a trailer, with some tacky crap on it...






the view though...
now the view IS beautiful, it doesnt possess beauty, its made of beauty-the water, the animals, the tall grass, the wild flowers, and strong tall trees standing alone in the marsh...its ingredients are the definition of beautiful
its state of being is beauty. it cant be anything else because it doesnt know how.
and i know that its lovely without a doubt because ive seen it, tested it through time, with lots of temporary circumstances and outside influences about it changing, yet because its made of beautiful things...lovely is what it remains
now im sure that the view looks different now than it did 20 years ago, im sure that definitive circumstances and forces like hurricanes and erosion have changed the exact appearance of it...
and yet still
its breathtaking






you see, that trailer:
its just an ugly thing that somebody thought they could change with a few reindeer and a light up santa
but that wetland:
beauty is what defines that view, no matter what somebody or something does or does not do to it


i think i just realized that daily we wake up with a choice:
we can either be an ugly thing that pretends in certain situations to be lovely by possessing beauty and putting on things or roles or words or actions or likes or dislikes or fill in your blank 
if we continue to do that though the light will eventually come, day will strike and our faith and love and nature and very state of being will be exposed...and it probably wont live up to anybody's (including yourself's) hype...you might even disappoint a few folks who really thought you were what they saw


OR


we can choose to go to the Source of ourselves, the One who thought of us LONG before anyone else did, the CREATOR of all things good and lovely and pure, and beg Him to create us anew each morning, beg Him to expose our crap, expect His greatness to react, pursue Him WHOLEHEARTEDLY, and believe He is WHO HE SAYS HE IS
when we do that, i am confident that He begins, slowly but faithfully, perhaps painfully but lovingly, consistently and wholly taking us from a moment of having beauty to a lifetime of being it. 


and it is only then that we can approach with confidence the purpose to which He has called us.
to love and be loved in return.

a kate by any other name...

there is almost no question i should be asleep considering that i have to be at work in an unmentionable small amount of hours...yet here i sit...not seeming to care much






everyday before i go to work there are a few key items i grab on my way out the door to go along with my "official uniform"...only one of these do you actually need an idea about...but ill tell you all 3


my clicky pen, register/office key, and my nametag


and ill let you in on a little secret while im at it:
i dont have favorite customers...i try not to anyway...but it is alot easier to be nicer to someone if they take a little glimpse at my nametag and just subtly or even not so subtly slip the name into conversation (ie. can i have some bbq sauce kate?)


im not sure why exactly dan cathy would tell you our team wears name tags...but i have my own theories


there is something deep in our souls that value knowing who we are...that put worth upon having our names called




names dont have a ton of worth put on them, they get taken for granted...they get discarded because everyone has a name...there is at surface level nothing special about it




but quite the contrary


there is this unquenchable thirst in our beings to be seperated, to be called out, to be unique from every other person


know why?


because God made us that way


if Hed wanted there to be 2 kate mardis' He wouldve made 2 kate mardis'


this desire to be known, to be special, to be worth gets pursued by things like greed for more money, more power, more honor, more prestige...it often leads us to things that are so far from our Creator that they aren't recognizable any more


we feel like in order for our names to be special, for who we are to be unique, for what we have to offer to matter...that we must be better, or attempt to be better than those around us


thats so off though


if i go rip someones nametag off, it hasnt given the information on mine any more value...its just left one of my team members without a part of their uniform...and 99% of the time, it would make me look like a moron


but thats the world we live in...


go rip others tags off...go tear down your team members id's...and you will have more value


FALSE


our names do not have worth because of who we are, what we do, or how many of us exist...


our names have worth because of Who has called them


in other words...nothing we have control over


in the moments when someone chooses to be different and use my name...and i start being nicer to them...it has nothing to do with what i have done or who i have been...


it has everything to do with the choice that the guest made in taking time to look at me and call my name


it has everything to do with his intention and nothing to do with my actions


it has everything to do with His Intention and nothing to do with my actions




but there is more to this story right?


yep

this is the 2nd cfa i have worked at....and every store does the tag a little differently...

the chick fil a logo is always at the top

and right below that is your name...sometimes first, sometimes first and last

and then sometimes below that is something like where you are from, or how long youve worked there, or like the one i have currently, it says what your role is

the joke around our cfa is that you forget who you are if you dont have your nametag


and of course nobody believes that to be the case, nor has anyone (to my knowledge), forgotten their name as a result of a missing nametag


there are moments however, when i am having a particularly awful day, or when it seems like all i am doing is just serving chicken, or when i am at another place after work and have forgotten to take off my nametag and someone mentions how they feel about chick fil a because they see it on my tag....




and i look down, and there is comfort...there is a reminder...there is...a resolidification of who i am




not just who i am, but of whom/what i associate with...you know, who i work for, and what my role is...actually a reminder that i have a role at all is pretty excellent


but depending on where i go with cfa in the future, i may not have a tag that says my role...in fact, it may only say my name...and chick fil a






its easy to get caught up in a rush, or a bad day, or a few bad days, or heck, even a bad year...and forget that to the One to Whom it Matters...we still have a nametag


it may not always tell us what our role is, it may not tell much about us except that we have a name at all and the name of Who we're reppin




the important thing to grasp is that if we have a tag...we have a role...no matter what it looks like to those around us....




maybe you dont feel like your name has been called recently
maybe you feel like your name has been called to often
you might not feel like you have ever heard your name


much less that you have a role to go along with it




in these last few weeks, my name hasn't been called alot


there have been a few, or more, moments that i felt like i didnt have a nametag




im not completely through with this part of the journey...but im still walking


and im not alone


and if there is more than just me here...i must have a name




and if ive got a name


than ive got a nametag


and if ive got a nametag
then i know Who i'm workin for...and by golly


He isn't gonna be forgetting who i am anytime soon


let Him call you today


allow His grace to be the whisper that calms your heart in a place where the storms are raging


allow His pursuit of you to be the reason you can raise your head on a journey that seems to constantly be pulling you down


allow His faithfulness to be what draws your heart closest in a time when hurt has all but pushed you out


allow His words that you ARE adequate compel you to keep swimming in a race where the world has told you you'll lose


allow His freedom to be the voice that wins in a battle against the lies of your past


and more than anything...


allow His love to be the difference you hear in a world that has nothing for you




the battle you are fighting has already been Won














thanks God