give em something to talk about...

thoughts right now:

i will be productive today...i HAVE to be productive today
...well maybe after a blog and a nap (i do have laundry going right now...so does that start to help?)

im going home tomorrow...as independent as i am...and as much as i hate admitting i need people/things/help...i miss my parents alot...so so so so much...i havent seen my mom in about 2 months and i havent seen dad in almost 3 months...INSANITY....plus its always a good time to be able to get away from "reality" for a few days


i have misplaced my beloved media remote for my computer...this makes me EXTREMELY sad...i hope after i clean my room today ill find it and once again resume my "shoot the song" game from across the room...(if you dont understand this please refer to the post "i dont know what short means")


im in that state of tired enough to want to take a nap but maybe not tired enough to make that desire a success..sad day


i really appreciate the lackage of smoking in restaurants in georgia...this means that i can go to waffle house and study and enjoy the amusing "atmosphere" without catching emphyzema 16 times...its basically heaven


i should get another chair for my room...just to give myself options for seating ya know?


ok enough about that...
2 goals for this post: a story and a "thought"

which one first?
hmm...



how about the story...

i was in the coffee shop downtown the other day...
its where all of the students hang out....its kind of the equivalent of the grocery store in a small town...
you go there sometimes with purpose...sometimes not so much...
and youre always bound to see any number of people you know hanging out...
its a pretty cool environment if youre under the age of 25 or so...if not...i could see how it might be annoying


anyways...
so im in blackbird reading but i had taken my adderall really early that day so it was pretty much completely out of my system

so i was more people watching/observing than anything else

i noticed a group of 4 or 5 girls my age sitting on the couches across from me...one of them i know..the others i just know of.....
i do know for a fact however that they all claim Christianity as a big part of their lives


they were in one of those situations that i always love finding myself in...
just drinking coffee and laughing with each other...pretty harmless

and then this guy came over and sat down and started to try and talk to them...
he wasnt just any guy...
he was THAT guy...
not THE guy (the one who any girl would get awkward and speechless around, the one who would give her butterflies and who she would drop almost anything, or anyone to have a chance to talk to/hang out with) but THAT guy (the one who you cant get away from and you try not to make eye contact with just so he might pass you buy to go "bother" someone else, the one who seems to be everywhere you are all the time and cant ever take a hint....)

THAT guy came over and sat down in the chair beside them and began to talk to them...well he tried...but what i couldnt believe was that they sat there and completely and blatantly ignored him...

not just kind of listened but made it obvious they had other things to talk about/do that were more important then him...
i mean straight up just sat there and completely ignored everything he said



it broke my heart..
what happened next baffled me even more


he sat there trying to tell them something he clearly thought was important and when they ignored him he just sat quietly waiting for them to recognize him and his thoughts

but thats not the end

they CONTINUED to ignore him

i couldt believe what i was watching

but i didnt know what to do...and even if i had i didnt neccessarily want to do it bc then something worse mightve happened...


he mightve started trying to talk to ME...

(yep, i said it....honesty is the best policy...)


and God knows i didnt want that...


so he left...

i thought it was over

5 mins later he comes back and walks back over to them and starts tapping one of them on the knee and says look what i have....look....look at it...

of course i guess this girl didnt want to cause a scene, or maybe she just got a shot of compassion or something and so she finally looks up and starts paying attention


im not sure exactly what he was over there telling her/them but the girl he had touched...her face changed right before my eyes...whatever he was telling her was something she needed to know...maybe it was something about a class assignment or something, i dont really know...the subject isnt important...but right before my eyes in about 5 seconds she went from annoyance and attempting to ignore this person to realizing that whatever he so desperately wanted to tell her was information that, for whatever reason, she needed to know...



my first feeling was brokenhearted sadness over the fact that people claiming to be christians would be able to sit there and do that...

i also was pretty impressed at the guys perseverence

but i also realized i couldnt judge the group of girls because i have definitely had very similar, and sometimes worse situations happen...

so i wasnt really sure how to feel about the whole thing...sad? angry? hurt? humbled? so many options...


and then God threw His 2 cents in...


i wonder how many times God has come and tried to get my attention but i tried so hard to ignore His obvious presence...
He has desired and asked for my time/attention (which He created in the first place..how ironic huh?!) and whether its because i havent wanted people to associate me with His "wierdness" if they didnt know Him...or because i have other stuff around me to focus on...or because im not sure what He is going to say or do and its easier to just keep going with my life...i blatantly ignore Him

but i am so convinced that He does exactly what the coffeeshop guy did...

He will at first sit there, still present, but a little silent for a while to see if His "lack of noise" will get my attention...

and if that doesnt work...

He will take 5 and kind of allow the thought of...hmm, maybe He left...to enter and then He shows up...
gets in my face a little
He taps on my shoulder
He says KATE LOOK AT ME
LOOK WHAT I HAVE FOR YOU
He knows that what He has to offer and give is stuff i very much need...

and once i give in and finally roll my eyes and go ok God..what is it?

He starts filling me with what i need...
and my face changes
and my heart...
and everything about me...

until another distraction comes along and my dumb sinfulness decides i wanna try and focus on something else....and the cycle repeats


i have been blessed with people in my life right now that observe this happening and unlike my passiveness the other night...decide to step in and go kate, dont you think you should talk to Him...do you see what youre doing? dont you notice Him?...go talk to Him...go give Him some attention


so i come out of this with gratitude and humility
not only for the friends who see this and call me on it of course

but obviously moreso for a Savior who knows me, including my wants, desires, and needs better than i know myself...
a Love who is so desperate for me and my attention that He will do whatever it takes to turn it back to Him...
a Passion that never gives up, despite my stubborness...
a Friend that is everywhere, all the time...no matter what


a Father who is jealous for me
and you


i dont even remember what the thought was that i was going to post...but after writing...i think thats enough to chew on today

have a super wednesday!