i can do long all by myself...

oh man...

ive been ITCHING to blog

this weekend has been insane

i cant even count the amount of times that i wouldve given anything to have a screen in front of me, a cup of panera hazelnut coffee beside me, a comfy chair below me, and nothing but time to kill....

but who wouldnt i guess right?!

i feel like i have so much to say about this weekend that i dont have anything to say at all

so much happened this weekend, i learned and was reminded of so much, i wouldnt know where to start if i had to...

but a very wise friend once said that there is only one way to eat an elephant....


one bite at a time

so thats what ill go with-
it may take a few days or 30 but i know that the lessons learned and moments realized this weekend that are supposed to solidify themselves in my heart long enough to be put on here will make themselves known


eventually

*very irrelevant sidenote* im in panera at a table with my back against the wall, there is an elderly lady that is sitting at the table in front of me with her back towards the opposite direction....and so we are at tables that are really close together and we are facing each other..but i dont know her...and everytime i glance up, she is staring at me...its kind of awkward

ok so there is only one thing that happened since the last post that i feel like i have enough thoughts together on to talk about right now...so we will just work with that

the one event:

i went to the movies with miranda

we saw tyler perry's "i can do bad all by myself"

i wont tell you about the whole movie just about the relationship/dynamic between two characters....
sandiago and april

*note*in every post of mine, there is a point that you get to where if you have read anythng before that and quit its no big deal but if you read after that point (which will hereby be referred to as the commital point) you really need to read all of it or whatever target is being aimed for will absolutely not be recieved....and for this post...right now....this is the commital point so (in the words of brad pitt) get in or go home

april-probably mid to late 20's, not married, sleeping with a married controlling manipulative man who i will call the jerk because i cant remember his name right now, selfish, skeptical of everyone
sandiago-mid to late 20's, new to the u.s. from a latin country that you never actually get the name of, gentle, accepting, hard worker, observant

sandiago shows up on april's doorstep one day an unclean stranger explaining that someone from the church has sent him and that he will fix up her pretty shabby house if in exchange she will give him room and board...and thats all

she agrees very reluctantly because she thinks she should and because she doesnt really have any other way of getting her stuff fixed, she sends him to the basement to have as a room though because she doesnt want him upstairs where people can see him

she is awoken to noise the next morning of him doing some really big loud great things in the room across from hers and instead of showing any kind of gratitude she gets angry explaining that this is her house and she said he could fix some things but that doing stuff like that wasnt in the agreement

he tries to tell her that he wants to and that this is what he is here for...but after seeing her stubborn anger lingering he apologizes and goes back to the basement

a really sad, life changing event happens to april and sandiago is there to comfort her and hold her...even though its obvious that him doing that makes her uncomfortable and even more skeptical of his motives

he ends up taking her out for a day of fun that in the montage on screen you can see she enjoys, he tells her all this really great stuff that he sees about her none of which have to do with physical beauty...

its obvious that she wants to accept and believe it but it scares her because this might as well be stranger seems to know her better than anyone ever has...she knows what has happened in the past when she has trusted people like this and the product has never been positive

the fun day takes a turn when sandiago brings up the very uncomfortable subject of her being able to and deserving much better than the love that she currently has...she immediately goes into defense mode telling him its none of his business and he doesnt know what he is talking about

she continually confronts and questions him about his motives and his reasoning for being so kind and loving towards her...she doesnt understand why someone would care so much without expectation...he always allows her to question him and only responds with gentle truth that she already knows but refuses to accept

the inward battle becomes more and more obvious as she gets to know him better...wanting to believe what he says to be true, after all he has given her no reason not to, bu konwing that history always repeats itself and she cant bear to be hurt any more...

he even proves his protection over her by attacking the jerk after he finds him trying to seduce aprils 16 year old niece..sandiago lets out his wrath on the jerk and makes sure to know that he isto never set foot in the house again

april and sandiago meet in the kitchen the next morning where she finally shows some vulnerability by telling him she might love him...but she isnt sure and she knows that he doesnt love her back and so it doesnt matter and giving a whole list of reasons why he shouldnt love her because of all the really awful things shes done and that its ok because she doesnt deserve his love...he interrupts this monologue telling her that he definitely loves her and that he alwas has and that now she just needs to learn how to love him back the right way

OK

so hopefully you have begun to get the idea of where this is going and dont actually think that i just wanted to write a movie summary...if you havent though-here it is:

go back and re-read the entire summary substituting your name for aprils and Jesus for sandiago

even if youve already seen the movie, you should watch it again just to see that literally every single moment between sandiago and april can be a parallel between you and Christ

i was freaking out in the theater from the second i realized the truth in it....my prayer is that you can have the same feeling after reading and or watching it...

well i think this is more than enough to make up for 2 days of no posts and one of these days the posts might start to get shorter

happy sunday night!