Love wins...again

so life isnt perfect.

thats a fact that is made pretty clear to me everyday. in lots of ways.

but today, up until this moment, 11:18 a.m....

today has been about as perfect as i could make it


class at 8 was ok...certainly not enjoyable...but i was really thankful that i at least have the freedom and capability to be in school right now...not everyone does

i can read and write and listen and see and speak and share...again, not something that every person can do for one reason or another

after class i went to starbucks and grabbed a white chocolate mocha and a pumpkin spice latte.

sarah and i are both stubborn
we both want it our way.
we both would rather focus on our friends and their awesomeness than looking at the idea that maybe we are pretty ok too
we both hate admitting wrongness
we both dont like to listen to someone tell us something we already know, especially if its about ourselves
we both care about each other a tremendous amount
we have one of the most unique friendships ive ever experienced

a combination of all or at least some of these leads to little...bumps...i guess thats the right word

we get into them quite often...and they affect people around us

i recognize this isnt always healthy and i realize it leaves people around us not knowing exactly what to say or do...

it usually ends in me or her walking away for at least a few minutes

but i love her so much
and she loves me back

and so after we have had our time to cool down, we end up talking about it...maybe not the way anyone else would...it might be through a look...or a text...or a pumpkin spice latte...but we get through it

and whats on the other side of those little bumps always makes me feel so...good with life

for lack of a better phrase

this morning was no exception...

last night...we had a little bump...this time...it was me walking away...we talked a little last night and things were a little better...but i could tell that even though i was clearing the hill of my emotion...she needed some more time to linger...which is fine, because sometimes...i need that too


so when i thought about getting coffee this morning...it seemed the only thing to do to get her one too...

so i texted her to tell her not to make her usual cup and that i would bring her one instead

which i did...and since i had parked right outside her dorm i told her id drive her to class

so after a quick good morning i love you guys to maggie and kathleen...we headed to the car

we left at the normal time that sarah leaves for class which of course was silly because we were driving...not walking....so we ended up next to her classroom building 20 mins early

which was the perfect amount of time to talk
we joked a little...had some small talk and almost barely mentioned last night with the exception of about a half block of driving...

but the best part...

when she got out of the car to go to class...

she said i love you...

thats not unusual for us at all

we say i love you all the time

but it was because we both knew that that i love you was for real...and that what that i love you means is you mean more to me than a stupid bump...we make it...we always do...we always get over it together...we fight with each other..but we fight FOR each other...

its almost as if we fight...against the fight

we know that what God has given us in each other is more important and better and bigger and greater than not understanding why one of us says something a certain way...or why one of us does something so often...or what has happened before...or anything

it probably isnt surprising to you if you read this blog very often or if you know me very well or both that i see God and me in this...

i get upset with God sometimes...not that i have a right too...but it happens
i yell occasionally
sometimes i have to "take 5" from Him
i say things to Him that i dont mean...things i would never mean
i know i hurt Him with stuff that i do and say
it all happens alot more often than it should...

but just like sarah and i reach this point where it doesnt matter how irrational or dumb the other one is being...one of us always knows that we arent going to give up on the other one...we have too much hope in who the other one is...but unlike me and sarah...that role doesnt rotate with God and me...i do all that stuff...and not only does God not do it back...He never even considers giving up on me...He should...He definitely should...He has more than enough reason if He wanted to...but He doesnt...He knows what i can become...what i will become...and He isnt willing to give up on that...

thank God

He isnt willing to give up on me...

He looks at me when He knows im ready and just says hey...I love you...

and then He smiles...and gives me a nudge...


just between friends :)