gone to carolina in my mind....and in my honda too

homesick

its a feeling that is all too common for college students

its no stretch to say im pretty independent, my dad jokes that i was ready to leave the house and go to college beginning in 7th grade...im actually not sure how much of a joke that is

as independent as i am though, i miss home

at first glance, that looks like a pretty normal statement

the only actual issue that arises in the sentence is that, if we are going on the typical definition of "home" as opposed to "house," i dont have one....

yes i do have a key to a house about an hour outside of charleston where i have a bed that belongs to my fathers current employer, im allowed to eat food, i can park in the driveway for extended periods of time, no one thinks its strange if they come in the door and find me, and...if the mood strikes me (which is quite rare) i can even answer the phone


but if we are talking about home (which remember? i said we are)...where i grew up, where people love me, where its safe, where im supported, where i have memories good and bad, where thoughts of this place bring warmth to the soul and tears to the eyes, and where time only goes quickly when youre there....i began realizing something the other day that then lead me to another something...


and guess what? you get to read about BOTH of them :)

1st something...i dont have ONE home...i have LOTS...i actually cant ever remember the exact number of places i lived...i lost count about 4 moves ago....but maybe this will give you some idea...5 of the last 6 years have involved me making a significant move (at least 3 months)
2003: georgetown to aynor (going into junior year of high school
2004: nothing
2005: aynor to greenville (moving to college)
2006: cherokee nc for the summer (3 months...and yes, it does too count) doing resort ministry on the indian reservation
2007:atlanta (3 months again...and again, it does too count) for camp....oh life changing
2008:a. greenville back to aynor in feb
b. atlanta again (sweet sum-ah time)
c. st george in aug because dad got reappointed and in a matter of minutes the plans id
made all summer fell through which left me back with the parents in a brand new place
2009: atlanta (i really like this switch every year, thats the real reason i keep typing it)
st george/atlanta to milledgeville ga

and thats a pretty true to the rest of my life before that as well

....it used to bother me alot that we had to move so much, dont get me wrong it was cool to get a new house and new city and stuff (and we always got presents from where we moved from and where we went too, ok well...mom and dad did....not really me) and i didnt even mind the whole different school different people thing....but what sucked was when i started realizing what i didnt have...a best friend id had my whole life, the same bed to sleep in since i was 6, people i played sports with from little league all the way through high school, people who were there for my kindegarten graduation, middle school, and then high school graduation too...things that after a while of having, (like most important stuff in life) you begin to take for granted

until i realized the other side which is that ive gotten to go to all these really awesome places which has left me sounding southern but not from any particular part (this is really a minor point) but ive gotten to meet all these really great people and be around all kinds of different environments and regions, its made me outgoing and quick to make friends, its made me be really open really quickly because if i was just the shy girl who never let anyone in than by the time i really started making friends, it would be time to leave again, its made me independent and not scared to try anything (almost) like finding a camp you know nothing about on google applying, scheduling an interview, getting hired and then spending 3 summers (and counting) of your life there....its made me brave...and its, most importantly, crossed my paths with people literally all over the country who ALL have had some sort of role in defining who i am, and who i will be...

and that thought made me really happy


until out popped the head of mr. something numero dos


what i love about all the places ive been is the security i get from the memories and past that i have there, but all of those places have changed, people have gotten older, grown up, moved away, gotten married, had kids, had grandkids, and even in some cases...died....and lets face it...memories and pasts arent something that can give you the love and shelter you really want when you're homesick no matter how important or great they are....



and THAT thought...brought tears....and not the good kind


my poor friends dealt with it the best they know how, like they always do...by hugging and loving on me....

but i just felt this....longing...paired with hopelessness because i knew in my soul that what i was really longing for was something that didnt exist anymore and therefore couldnt be found....again....ever



oh i think i forgot to mention something....

a third something...

a very important third something....



i do have a home,
but it absolutely isnt on this earth

if you had said something like that a few years ago i would have dismissed the thought as nice enough but cliche...an excuse of sorts that is used by people who were just too "christian-y"

but its absolute truth,
when i accepted the offer extended to me on the cross, i accepted adoption....i accepted being chosen, i accepted the change of kate mardis, created by God to kate mardis, child of God....just like on this earth, i know that if i ever really need a place to go the first door that is open, no matter my age or circumstance, is the door of my parents....the same...increased by a bagillion is true of God and i....He has and will always have a place for me...He is preparing it as we speak...and He has a place for you too....a place that He looks at with fond anticipation because He knows you will be there soon enough....i accepted the FACT that my residence and loyalty are no longer to this world or these people or this environment or anything that had it before anymore....it is now to God because what He offers is so much more abundant and greater and more fulfilling and the list goes on and on....why WOULDNT i choose that? its like offering a hungry person a mcdonalds burger from the trash can or a 5 course steak dinner with all of the trimmings...only a fool would choose the burger


and so yes, there is still a longing for Home, but i am calmed with peace each morning with the whisper that i will be Home in perfect time...but for now i need to just stick with finding other homeless people and letting them know about the land of a million mansions....

praise God that He has allowed me the priviledge of showing me very first hand the longing for Home and allowing me to hear very clearly the Truth He speaks about it....



i pray that you experience homelessness soon...

but while i wait, for the weekend at least, greenville is calling my name...time to go see part of my earthly home....


have a great weekend