-i really dont have any desire to do anything for my birthday...my friends do however and so i am trying to suck it up and be happy...there are moments where its easier said than done
-i need a job...i dont really understand why it seems like its been an easy task for alot of people around me lately yet i fill out 30+ applications with no luck...i understand that if God wanted me to have a job right now i would have it...but its quite the humbling experience to have to call my parents every few days to ask for more money
-alot of people have asked me if im happy here. here being milledgeville. im definitely not unhappy. i have some really spectacular friends. im just now starting classes. i live all around people my age. so i guess the answer is im learning my new reality and after that...maybe ill be more at peace saying im happy. im content, but im scared. im confused. thats the best i can say right now...
-its possible that the next question is well what is the difference in this reality and the one you came out of? well the shortest answer to that is everything. i live with people who are very different than i am. i have a few friends when im used to alot. i have a few things to do as opposed to almost no time for sleep. im jobless. not because of my want but because nothing has worked out. its completely different to be unemployed because of something other than your own control. i feel irresponsible for coming to a new place with so little concretely decided. its no exaggeration to say that i have gone from having 98% of my friends single with me to 98% of friends being engaged/married/HAVING BABIES within about a year and a half...im worried about things...will i still be here next year? who will i live with? what will i do? where will i go? how do i fit in when ive been made to stand out? how do i come to a point of surrender with that? how do i get over my selfish pride and move to the much bigger Pull inside me?
-its alot of questions that dont yet have answers...they may not ever have answers, at least not completely
-a hole would be ok
-i know that i serve a God bigger than my worries, my wants, my doubts, my good days and bad, my friends, my emotions, my flaws, my successes, my knowledge, my life, and my world. i know that eventually He will SHOW His victories over these...sometimes its hard to choose to let Him...which is another post for another day
-im one big psychological issue...who serenades her friends with boy band songs from the 90's
i wish you all a very happy monday
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